end of year
i guess i'll take some time out now to do a year end summary thing. i'm also currently kinda broke and am eagerly checking my account to see if my allowance has come in. thank you malaysian taxpayers! and thank you online banking!
so i've already completed my first year of uni in auckland. and i have to say, my first year alone overseas wasnt too bad. i'm not as alone or as isolated as you'd imagine because we're constantly being monitored by our sponsors. besides, there are truckloads of malaysian students being shipped off to nz so its SO easy to find other malaysians. i would have to say though, that part of me wished i wasnt there because i really missed iain so much. also because i wasnt so keen on the course either. but whatever lah. now its grown on me like a very ugly wart. i do wish that i'd have done more things though. like travel, especially. so maybe for next year i'd like to travel more. and not spend so much (BWAHAHAHAHAHAA!!) on unnecessary things (double BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!) some people i've met in my first year wont be around anymore and others would be further away or have moved on to other things. i'll miss them all. i'm a little nervous about moving into a different place but hey, it might not be as bad as i think it is.
i got several jobs this year and i'm not sure if i'd work again next year. i might end up working but i'd really rather not. its tiring and the whole balancing act between studying, working and everything else in between is a tough act to pull off. i remember feeling like it was so monotonous after a while and it became really hard to keep up with school. it also became such a hassle to take care of myself. it really required effort and all. and there were times when i was sooo exhausted. i just could NOT do any more than what i was doing. and regardless of what i had planned on doing (like working) my body just wouldnt be able to take it. and so, i'd end up oversleeping and would end up calling in sick so i can have some rest. i think i deserved it at the time. i was waking up at 6 so i could be at work at 7.30 for two and a half hours before class and fall asleep in class cause i was so tired. i had to walk in the rain several times and...oh god i just dont wanna do that again if i could.
the long distance thing...it was really comforting, for one, to know that i wasnt the only one going through it. obviously iain had to go through it too but thats not what i mean. i had some friends who knew exactly how frustrating it could get and how patient you had to be at times. and the loneliness was something i had to learn how to deal with. it wasnt the loneliness on the degree of friendship. it was on the level of being intimate with someone and sharing that bond. there's only so much you can do with phonecalls and videocalls and etc (which help tremendously). but there are times when i just needed to squeeze his hand and i couldnt even have that. and ditto for him. hanging on needed both parties to be very supportive and constant encouraging was soooo vital.
it feels kinda surreal that february this year i was in this very spot not wanting to go and now i'm back here. things have changed around the house too. my parents bought a new sofa set (which i think was unnecessary) our little kitten that we had before i left has died due to poison ingestion. it wasnt my family, we think maybe the kitten ate the poison one of my neighbours left out for the rats. the same poison that killed 3 stray cats recently and the same one that made malinky very sick. our dogs died this year. i still miss them terribly. they were good dogs. my sister underwent surgery recently to remove her tonsils. my dad went to japan and back for a course. my brother may or may not work in singapore. and that has got me quite worried. anderson took the UPSR this year.
being away from people is hard.
i dont know why, but i feel like i havent really accomplished much this year. i feel like i need to do more and experience more. there are so many things that i have been wanting to do but never got round to because i was too afraid to go alone (ok some events i need company), didnt really dare to step out of my social circle or just didnt push myself to just be more out there. be more adventurous and do MORE. just DO MORE and make the most of my time away from this country.
i want to travel and do things and meet people and do things that i wont be able to once i start working and earn money in malaysian ringgit. ya know what mean?