everyone's on facebook!
the past few days here in kuching has been really fun. mainly just been about hanging out with people that i havent seen in ages. and thats why its fun. now i was in a very foul mood this morning (dont ask why, just be glad its over now) and i thought i was going to rant and rave about everything and anything thats wrong in today's world, or at least mine. but a little turn of events during lunch with my family changed my mood.
now, lets get on to the whole issue i was going to blog about last time....
CAMWHORING/PHOTOGEDIK
yes, that was me last friday night. and yes it turned out to be not too bad a night to be out either. (PK I GRABBED THAT FROM YOUR BLOGGIE, THANKS!) now back to what i was saying...
i know i've mentioned this before about fugly-ass chicks who camwhore and shit. i've got nothing wrong against camwhoring...JUST GET IT RIGHT, K? photoshop the pics if you must (i know i sound OH so vain here) but if you dont look good, then why are you camwhoring in the first place?? SPARE US and just dont! but if you choose to do so, figure out what works for you and stick to it...christ.
vain rant aside...what else was i so pissed at today?
aahhh....there was church today. suffice to say i nodded off during the sermon. not that it wasnt interesting or anything, but i was sleepy (wonder why) and i wasnt feeling too good. i felt a little too warm and irritable. so, i wasnt exactly happy this morning.
WHY DO I GO TO CHURCH??
my decisions and how i am now, are not exactly aligned to how a completely church-ey person would be, or should live out their life...so i'm not going to half-ass religion or fake my faith by trying to be all christian and then do completely un-christian things. i dont see the point. some people may not agree with what my choice, (and yea i guess that would make me agnostic) but i dont want to be professing to a faith that requires a completely different lifestyle, and then be caught the exact opposites of what i should be doing. (see pic above) i'm not lying to anyone but myself...and perhaps my parents too.
its not to say that i'm going to be a completely immoral person just because i dont buy everything that's taught in church. morals has got nothing to do with it...or maybe it does. if religion and faith, which are so personal and should be based on personal choice, require commitment and what not, then it should happen completely on my own choosing. and it should be something that i am aware of. it needs to be beyond the worship albums, beyond the walls of the church and in my own conscious choices.
and i dont want to do that. i dont like the feeling of having a structure dictate so much of what i do. i just dont.
some people find their place in church and within the church society. well thats great for them. i really think thats great. if you can find your place in church and it gives you a sense of purpose then glory to God in the highest and all that. just dont impose it on others.
thats the ONE thing that puts me off about religion and faith. there's this need to impose it on others...whats it called..proseletyzing? is that even a word? i dont like that. and i dont appreciate these holier-than-thou people in church who seem to think they can judge your actions and your family too. excuse me, but that doesnt sound very christian.
i made some great friends in church, and thats...well, great. i'm not saying that every single christian out there is like that. there are some really genuine friends who are just happy to accept you as you are and go on their merry christian way without judgement. i just dont want to be one of those christians who says one thing and does another.
just because you go to church doesnt automagically make you a good person. and just because you dont go to church doesnt make you a bad person.
but why do i go to church? mainly to appease my parents. i only do this in kuching tho.. i mean my parents had such a hard time with my brother and cousin not going to church. my mama most. i just dont want to disappoint them. i know it means a lot to them, and if this helps them sleep better at night, (well they dont see me much over the week since i go out so much) then fine. i remember my ma getting a stomach ulcer once because of my brother, and i dont want her to go through that with me.
so...they've pretty much dictated my choice of tertiary education, my career for the five years after graduation and now i'm putting on a church-ey front for them.
oh god i miss living on my own.