there was a frog. who would hoppity-hop-hop along in life thinking all was grand. sure it was when you were growing up as a tadpole in the pond, hatching first and then eating your other siblings still unhatched, consequently surviving tadpole-hood into frog-dom.

transition into frog-dom wasnt particularly easy. what with the legs and tail present at one point. crazy eh, this change business. but in retrospect, the tadpole survived into frog-dom.

frog-dom was a whole 'nother world. the frog could hoppity-hop-hop on land or swimmity-swim-swim in water. thus is the beauty of amphibia. the frog learned to croakity-croak-croak loudly and catchity-catch-catch flies on his froggity-frog-frog tongue which was stickity-stick-stick..y. (is this bordering on flanders-speak yet)

anyhoo, the frog was doing alright. then one day the frog realised...he didnt have any friends. OH SHOCk HORROR AND CARVE A CHUNK OUT OF HIS HEART. he tried to make friends with the flies, but since he caught so many of their friends on his tongue, they just flew away. now the frog couldnt fly because he didnt have any wings. he tried making with the fish, but they were too ugly, so he eventually got so repulsed he tried talking to other frogs. but his croaking was so loud, the didnt like him.

OH THE MISFITTING-NESS OF IT ALL!!

so the frog cried his froggy tears and hoppity-hop-hopped on land. then he heard someone singing.

"dum-da da da da dum...i believe i miracles...where ya from? you sexy thing".

the frog stopped crying and looked up. it was a toad walking his way.

then a toad came up to him.

"you're a damn ugly toad" said the toad to the frog.

"LEAVE ME ALONE BITCH!" cried the frog, haplessly kicking the toad. "I'M A FUCKING FROG!".

"you still an ugly toad" scoffed the toad, who proceeded to head butt the frog back. and laughed loudly, continuing on his way, still humming YOU SEXY THING after that.

"you fuckin blowjob!" screamed the frog after the toad.

to which the toad stopped humming. paused. and turned around.

"what did you say??" said the toad, torn between puzzlement and taking offense.

the frog's mouth went dry. he swallowed his froggy drool, wiped his froggy snot (he'd been crying remember) and rubbed the bit of his head where the toad headbutted him.

he opened his mouth. cleared his throat. by then, the toad had walked back to him. eyeing him suspiciously.

"i aksed ya a question, frog" said the toad slowly and clearly. "what.did.you.say?"

"UH.." squeaked the frog, his voice ten times higher than he would've liked it to he. "i said...you fuckin blowjob".

the toad seemed satisfied. "thats what i thought you said".

the frog's froggy knees shook.

"now why in the world would you call me that?" asked the toad, his larger frame looming over the skinny green frog. "why in the world would you call me a fuckin blowjob?"

"I dont know sssir" stammered the frog.

"oh now he calls me sir" said the toad in mock surprise.

the frog cowered in fear.

"you listen here and you listen good" said the toad. "nobody talks to me like that"

"bbbut you called me an ugly toad," protested the frog. "i'm a frog"

the toad was surprised the frog could speak in his defense.

"well.." said the toad, considering what had happened. "i guess you're right. sorry bout that. was just pickin on ya i guess"

"its ok sir" said the frog. "i shouldnt have shouted at you like that"

"where in the world did you get that name from anyway?" asked the toad in bewilderment. "i mean, a fuckin blowjob?"

"uh...well it was this thing once" started the frog.

"you still an ugly toad tho" said the toad.

and they both burst out laughing and went on their way.

what will happen in the friendship of the toad and the frog?

well one day, the two were out hanging by the pond, and some bird flew down, caught the frog in its beak. GULP, SWALLOW, he was gone.

the toad was quiet for a moment. a tear slid town his toady cheek. then he said "he was a damn ugly toad". and hopped away.