strange name, that. nunan. some guy with ideas about teaching. bleh. so sick of the subject already. i think i'm heading into zombie mode under the workload. its presentations everyday. for a new topic every day. bleh.

i have a point to today's blog. for once. and it is this: why do i feel like my life can be chronicled by songs that are stuck in my head? well, of course there are songs that people can relate to, and this is why people listen to them. but there are some songs that just accurately describe how i feel about events in my past or present.

eg:

• Irreplaceable - Beyonce
  "i can have another you in a minute,
  ...dont you ever for a second get to thinkin'
  you're irreplaceable"
  
• I miss you - Incubus
   - see yesterday's entry
  
• Used to love you - John Legend
  "when i used to love you there was nothing that i wouldnt do
  ...anything you asked me to
  but i'm tired of living this life,
  its getting harder to justify
  i realise that i just dont love you, not like i used to"
  
• Lie about us - Avant and that lead singer of PCD
  - a bit too personal to put down at this point in time
  - "wait just a little bit..."
  
• Barely Breathing - Duncan Sheik
  - i just like the song.

its just bits of the song that i can really relate to. i dont know. do other people feel like this too? or am i an anomali? (how do you spell that?) or a victim of popular culture?

anyways, the political balance in the class is teetering, as usual. i just wanna stay as much out of it as possible. zombie mode comes in handy.

oh yes. i realise why i hyperventilated the last time i did. the thought of being just another one on another list. the fear of something great coming to an end will always be there, but the horror of being another one on another list, i dont think i can take just the mere thought of that. it makes me all there is to who i am, limits me to another's experience. practically another dash on a tally chart. and the phrase "i dont want to put you through what she's going through now" smacked that fear right in my face. my individuality erased and given way to a label that i'm "the other one" that *insert name of list here*. i've been through that once, and once is more than enough. necessary life lesson, but very painful. makes me want to burn someone but i have depth, and i choose to learn from this painful experience.

should i have waited? cant help but think that at times. in more than one situation.

what else?

we're going around this island this coming friday. looking forward to that. i need a break. and then we do the drinky. didnt get round to it last night. too tired, even though i took coffee earlier. (btw, why is hotel coffee usually so yummy?)

may the chi be good where you are.