yep..2 more papers to go. and tomorrrow's gawai, and it SUCKS to be on the mainland at this point. miss home, but at least i'm going home in a few days time. P3 paper just finished. it was a strange paper. i studied vectors, and the exact same question that was an example in the text book which i chucked away half an hour before the exam came out. as fate would have it, i couldnt remember how to do it, cause i dont get vectors in the 1st place.. ah, cest la vie.

NEW SWEATERS!!

yesterday me and my roommates went out for dinner, and as expected, we kinda dilly-dallied around the place, and we ended up buying new sweaters each! the theme was "Traffic Light Appreciation", haha. i took yellow, aud took red and eelin took green. then, freakishly, we discovered it sorta resembled US. i mean, my blog is YELLOWSUBMARINE (and no, i'm not exactly a beatles fan) and it kinda went along with our names..we have GREELIN, AUDRED and YALLOW..haha, eelin took green and aud took red. we wore them back to college, and as we were going back to our rooms, my former roommate saw us and she had "huh?" written all over her face. i know its pretty dorky, but it was fun. GREELIN reminds me of a sesame street character in the sweater..and my roommates say i look like paddington bear in mine. like a kid going to school. i really like the sweater. it feels like i'm wearing a blanket, and for rm17 each, it was worth it.

UPCOMING DINNER/LUNCH

i am so excited about it! this sunday we're going for this farewell thingy we ourselves are organising and we'll be watching xmen3! we're exchanging gifts and i hope they like what i got them. its nothing superbly spectacular tho..i know it doesnt have to be, but i just hope they'll like it. and xmen3!! i have this thing for wolverine. cant help it, he's hot =P

HAIRCUT?

i just cut my hair about a month or so back, but it grew back pretty fast. thing about short hair is that when it grows back, its OBVIOUS whereas with long hair, a trim every 3 months or so would do. i kinda like my hair, but i dont know if i want to cut it yet. besides, the money i spend on my hair can be spent on feeding myself, heehee.

QUITTING MARA??

i am anticipating some backlash from my parents about this choice, when i tell them. and when that'll be? i dont know, probably after i get my a-level results. here are the list of phrases i'm expecting will come out of my dad's mouth. some of them at least. my mental responses (MMR) are in red:

• On job prospects: "You'll get a job at the end of it. no matter what you do you still need to find a job, at least this offer has a job prepared for you".
  MMR: i dont want this job, i'm not interested in teaching. and its a dead end, especially under mara.
• On so-called prestige: "So many other students around the country would want this opportunity..."
  MMR: not my fault they didnt get it. and where is the prestige if they have to lower the standards so that more of us can study abroad in a foreign university to get a degree in a field they established just for financial gain ftrom mara? there is no recognition in this degree and there is certainly no prestige in that either.
• On cost: "Money, money, money, bla bla bla. money, money, money, bla bla bla."
  MMR: money, money, money, bla bla bla bla blah (echoes dad mentally)
• On marketability: "People will always need teachers. so many other people who have [insert academic background here] end up as teachers."
  MMR: SO?? doesnt mean i have to become one.
• MORE on marketability: "Now they want English teachers."
  MMR: BIG DEAL! you said i could quit if i didnt want to continue with this!
• On how i can quit: "after you finish your bond, you can leave mara, and et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.
  MMR: By the time i quit, i'll be at least 30! by then i'll have other reaponsibilities and i cant just up and leave a job just caue i  want to. if i want to quit, i have to do it NOW.
• Once again, MONEY: "money, money, money, bla bla bla"
  MMR: LOOK, maybe i should start taking my clothes off for money if its such a big deal. commit insurance fraud or something. embezzlement. join a pageant. rob a bank. have children and sell them. 

the reason they are mental responses is cause i probably wont have the guts to say that to my dad to his face. they'll really hurt. now these are the lines my mother uses when she wants to get things her way, and damnit , they work!

• " I dont feel at peace about this...i have no peace.."
• "there is no blessing in doing that sort of thing"

maybe they'll work for me. she's taking me out on my birthday to this place i like, and i know she's been wanting to go to since i've been talking about it and my dad wont take her.  so maybe then i'll bring up the issue of quitting. just hints of it, at least.

what sucks is that i feel this sense of responsibility to do this mara deal so i dont let my parents down, but i cant keep living my life for them. they've got so much to deal with and they've been through so much disappointment that i dont want to add to it. they've had to deal with my brother. and that's a LOT they've had to deal with, and still have to. i know my relationship with my parents is not as close as other people's may be, and i dont tell them my problems or whats going on in my private life, but thats because i dont want them to worry for me.

they've got so much to deal with, and i dont want to become a burden to them. my mother developed a stomach ulcer cause of my brother, and i realise she frowns a lot now and has this worried look on her face all the time, which i am very sure, she doesnt realise she has. my dad's a good natured person. very responsible, but i dont want him to be paying off my education way into his retirement.

tough huh..the struggle between being a filial child vs personal fulfilment. now thats a match i'd pay to watch. tell me who wins.