so the holidays have come and gone (boo hoo...) but i had a great time during the break. although i wasnt out with my usual crowd (i mean, i didnt tell them i was back. i know thats a little insensitive, but i dont want to split my time with other people and have none for myself). anyways, even though i wasnt out with my usual crowd, i still managed to have a good time and have a BREAK. you know? this place is rotten to the core, and it drives people nuts. so now its back to reality.

the first week back is always the longest. thats what i always say. the easiest way to pass the time here is to study or to sleep. and now that i dont have my handsfree with me, and cant listen to the radio as often as i want (which is what i would be doing now if i had my handsfree) this place seems like a total hell...more hellish than i remember it being. its been a trying first week, and its only wednesday:

• my friend got told off for wearing shorts, and they werent even hot pants or anything. it was three-quarter pants that i think are perfectly decent. and the length of the pants from her ankle, lemme tell you, some dicks are not even that long. its FINE to me, and she's been wearing those pants all this while. why tell us now? why make this ruckus about itty bitty nonsense in our final sem 2 months shy of us leaving? just shut up and let us carry on in peace. i mean, what's worse? wearing pants that look decent, or wearing those tight tracksuits that may meet the length, but are in NO WAY decent? what is this double standard??
• i got told off for wearing "different" shoes to class. WELL, what about the other girls who are wearing GOLD or GREEN shoes to class? why didnt that jackass of a teacher tell them off? i've been wearing these since the third sem, and nobody said a thing! all 3 ustaz's have seen it, and none of them said a thing. no teacher said a thing! now its 2 months shy of the final sem ending, and this ONE teacher, who doesnt even teach me and hardly ever interacts with me or ever sees me around, can make it his own personal vendetta against me with the duty of upholding the school rules in mind to tell me to buy new shoes because these are "inappropriate" . PAH!! and whats worse is that he told me yesterday, expecting me to scuttle to the nearest shoe shop and buy new shoes immediately. HELLO? like i havent got work to do. like i'm so free.

am i taking this way out of context? i dont think so. the guys are wearing sports shoes to class, the girls are not even wearing black or brown shoes. the thing is, its almost the end here for me, and i brought my lecture shoes back during the mid-sem break because i wasnt told i couldnt wear these shoes. so, i thought it was alright. i mean i met with those high ranking admin staff and none said a thing! I WAS KEPT OUT OF THE LOOP right until i took my shoes back because i wasnt using them. then he took my name because i didnt buy new shoes. FINE, give me the money. you want me to wear shoes so much, GIVE ME THE DAMN MONEY and i'll FIND the most lecture appropriate shoes that appease your eyes.

he's probably going to report i was talking back to him. WELL, i have to! you expect me to stand there like a stone when you practically marched across the staff room to give me the honor of being told off by you? forget it! i was merely trying to explain myself. if anything, HE was being rude. HE didnt want to listen to my explanation and HE was cutting me off. he was practically spitting in my face and might as well be foaming at the mouth in self-righteous anger. i kept my tone calm, and if anything, i was very confused by his fury i unleashed. you jackass, you've got terrible skin and you're the epitome of irrationality under the pretext of justice. i hope you suffer and die a terrible death and never ever have peace. a plague be on your house. i hope you die in misery.

i know that was mean, but i've had it up to here with this place and the BULLSHIT i have to put up with. its not the first time i've been picked on like this (for what reason, i wonder) there was this one time i was told off for not putting my shoes (my "inappropriate" shoes) on the shoe  rack, when all around me, other students are not doing the same thing! but this teacher singled ME out, looked at ME in the eye and addressed ME for commiting this offense that OTHER PEOPLE ARE COMMITING AS WELL.

dont even get me started on how there's only ONE printer for the students to use in two computer labs, or how there is a constant water shortage, or how not all the computers can be used.

i hate this double standard. its my final sem. if you can turn a blind eye towards other students, why cant you do the same to me? if you must pick on me for my "inappropriate" shoes, then why dont you arm and ready yourself for a witch-hunt on all students shoes for fear of "inappropriateness&q uot;? a crackdown on shoes?

and even when they DID have a crackdown on shoes, i wasnt caught despite my shoes' "inappropriate" nature. the reason i'm taking this so personally is cause there is no chance in hell they would bother to listen to me or my explanation.