Evil Me
once upon a time, there was a very naive, very intelligent, but very adamant princess of a faraway land. her name was Princess Shopalot. like her name suggests, she was a shopaholic. and Princess Shopalot was happiest when she was shopping. but one day, on a two week shopping spree in Shopping Land, which she spent with her best friend, Princess Wicked COoL, she met a guy...and his name was Mr Jackass Supreme.
Now Princess Shopalot was unaware that despite Mr Jackass Supreme's exterior lay a dark, twisted, demented past. nonetheless, she fell for him. head over Jimmy-Choo heels, she fell for him. initially she was using him, for her own personal pleasure,but when she figured out that it was she who was being used instead, she friggin lost it. they say hell hath no fury like a woman scorned...and Princess Shopalot was no ordinary woman-she was adamant.
it was then that Princess Shopalot decided to form an evil plot against Mr Jackass Supreme. she confessed to Princess Wicked COoL that she had feelings for Mr Jackass Supreme, which was partially true. but unbeknownst to Princess Wicked COoL and Mr Jackass Supreme, there was a part of her that just loathed Mr Jackass Supreme's guts and would like nothing more than to make him suffer and regret. she then set out to make herself the girl he could never have, the one that got away, because she knew she was the best catch a jackass like Mr Jackass Supreme would ever catch.
they say in chess you must sacrifice the knight to save the queen. and that is exactly what Princess Shopalot did. she sacrificed something very precious to her, that she could never get back, that was ever more costly than her arrogance and pride. but slowly as time progressed, she began to feel actual emotions for Mr Jackass Supreme.
OH NO!
but one day, Princess Wicked COoL revealed to her a truth that would awaken her from this trap of seduction and lies she found herself getting tangled up in: Mr Jackass Supreme had a few many lots of girls he was playing off all at the same time. it was then that Princess Shopalot knew she had to go through with her original plot and destroy Mr Jackass Supreme once and for all.
now all this while, Mr Jackass Supreme has been dropping hints about getting together as a couple with Princess Shopalot. but she knew better. she knew you could never trust a guy who said he loved you 4 days after meeting you while he was cheating on one of his girlfriends. such scum doesnt deserve a vow to vengeance, you may think, but the thing about Princess Shopalot was, that she was ADAMANT.
back to the story, Mr Jackass Supreme tried to force an answer out of Princess Shopalot by saying that his daddy wanted them to get together. unfortunately Princess Shopalot was already making sure her master plan was unfolding, and was currently enjoying the joys of shoplifting more than shopping itself.
truth be told, Princess Shopalot had feelings for another all this while, Sir Successfull-and-Damn-Elig ible, a knight she had been admiring from afar. however, there was just no way she could get him. he was just out of her reach. her friend, Ms Honest and True, thought they would make the perfect match and would get together one day..it was just inevitable. and she had a gut feeling it would happen. Princess Shopalot could only wish for that. after all, Sir Successful-and-Damn-Eligi ble was everything she could ever hope for in a guy.
in the meantime, Mr Jackass Supreme consulted a wicked witch with yucky warts on how to snag Princess Shopalot so he can mark her as another notch on his bedpost. the wicked witch said that he will never win her heart, because that would be interfering with free will...that being something the gods would never allow. he can only claim her as his own, after wiping out her mind. and to do this, he must pierce her heart with a sharp needle after she drinks of the evil potion he must slip into her drink.
and one day, he tries to do exactly this. but Princess Shopalot was one step ahead of him. a little sparrow who overheard Mr Jackass Supreme and the wicked witch plotting told her what was going to happen. the sparrow then told her to find the Golden Spear of Truth, stab Mr Jackass Supreme through the heart with it and utter the magic words to destroy Mr Jackass Supreme. so she flung the contents of her crystal glass at Mr Jackass Supreme and she stabbed him with the Golden Spear of Truth and declared once and for all "I DESERVE BETTER! I DESERVE BETTER, YOU SONOFABITCH! I HOPE YOU ROT IN HELL!!" which was the magic spell to end his life forever.
so he died, moaning a pathetic "NOOOOoooo...." till his last breath. but thats not the end.
then Princess Shopalot met Sir Successful-and-Damn-Eligi ble on her way home. they got the talking and ended up together as they rode off into the sunset on Sir Successful-and-Damn-Eligi ble's beautiful stead. Princess Shopalot then confessed to Princess Wicked COoL who it was she actually had feelings for and she was so happy for them. when Ms Honest and True was told about Sir Succesful-and-Damn-Eligib le, she could not be happier. and so they all lived happily ever after while Mr Jackass Supreme DID rot in hell.
THE END
like it? tell me. i'm late for class now. bye! :)