break it down now...
what a week its been so far. after getting my utterly HELLISH results, and feeling utterly STUPID and changing my dream-job to MLIKMAID (since thats all i can qualify for) and having a very PUBLIC emotional breakdown..i dont know what else to say. on top of that the fishbone that attached itself to my throat during yesterday's lunch has refused to budge even after i threw up and ate again.
Eating the Crust of Humiliation?
there was a stats quiz this morning. and i am feeling really stupid right now. i am in NO ZONE to do any quiz..and i havent studied anything at all in the past few days. so there i am in the lecture hall..listening to the radio before anything began..and slowly, oh-so slowly, the tears start rolling down as i was thinking how i'm there sitting for yet another quiz that i know zilch about. and when the quiz was handed out, i just started crying, and my friend had to ask the teacher if i could be excused.
so i got out of there, and then i didnt know where to go and what to do.
i called my mum, but she was working. she said she'd talk to my dad (great, forward me to my dad..)and maybe ask him to come down see me since he's going to be in Putrajaya or something till saturday.
then i just did nothing except sit around and feel stupid.
then the assistant principal found me and gave me a hug (which i badly needed..God bless her) and explained the college was doing everything..the entire TESL batch did badly..not one student got an A for Lit. Some were scoring really badly..
all this while i know that the effort you put into your studies will be reflected in the results...i might as well have not studied. i dont know what else to think because there doesnt seem to be any comfort..my mum told me to think of it as a blessing in disguise..damn, thats one helluva disguise.
some students are pretty sure they're pulling out of this programme..kinda sad considering that they wasted one year already, and have to start all over again doing foundation or whatever. whats worse is that this batch was selected from 2000 students who applied.
are we just a bunch of ingrates or just stupid or an experiment gone wrong (this is the first time they're doing TESL here)
i need some answers and i need to put some ice on my eyes cause they're burning up..my friend said the skin is really puffy and looks like its going to swallow up my eyeball..eeww.