here i am
there you are. a wire connecting our hearts.
so the dinner last night went alright. datuk whats-his name dropped by to see us. i went purely for the food, which was just alright..went to the via duct after that just to hang around and walk off the food we ate. which was pretty useless since we went to esquires coffee and i had lasagna at 1am. oh allison you silly girl. you're going to be so round (YesSSSSssss....)
drunkards aplenty on friday night....thats all i say about that. the viaduct has its fair share of that. okay fine, i'm going into detail. drunkard outside fordes on the way back, some poor vagrant at the viaduct asking for a smoke and spare change. scary yes, especially when they corner you.
super expensive "organic" cola. made with natural cola nut. wtf??
I DONT LIKE THE SHOPPING HERE.
i come from a country where there are many choices on clothes and you wont end up buying the same thing as someone else. pathetically in auckland, i see everyone wearing the same thing and i know where they bought the clothes from. how sad is that? i mean, in kl, even tho melambak the shopping areas, there's a wide variety of choice. and YOU WONT END UP WITH THE SAME THING/DESIGN/PATTERN/what ever as someone else. there's times square..if you cant find anything there, there's sg wang down the road..well, somewhat down the road. dont like? go mid val. still dont like? ONE UTAMA! still cannot ah? go lah to klcc, bitch. and if you still cant? my god are you fussy. go lah to that alamanda in putrajaya or somewhere else. my point here is that auckland's shopping kinda sucks. its scattered all over the place, and i malas wanna take the bus. UGH! oh shopping malls in a third-world country...while auckland doesnt really have one.
i wanna go look for new shoes today. there was this pair down at onehunga dressmart with the pattern called "alison". wanted to buy but they were...pricey. and with the limited options on clothes here, i dont know if there'll be anything worth buying other than marked-down sushi at 4 pm on queen street. or groceries. or a raincoat. stupid auckland weather.
meredith brooks' BITCH. i heard that song when i was 11 and i remember thinking WOW. it was playing at the viaduc last night. i still think wow.
pink wine is really pink. its pretty.
i've emailed the landlord. we'll see what the dragon-lady has to say.
lets play a game. let me know where these lines come from.
"tanah tumpahnya darahku"
"and now you need somebody to kill the lonely nights"
"fire in her eyes..."
"would a written invitation, signed choose now or lose it all, sedate your hesitation"
"you and i must make a pact, we must bring salvation back"
"i'm a goddess on my knees"
"sappy pathetic little me, that was the girl i used to be"
"slip inside the eye of your mind"
"and when you see your unborn children in her eyes"
"the greatest thing, you'll ever learn. is just to love and be loved in return"
"stumbled upon a brain-fart which melts away your moulds"
"my pen is a pistola oooo"
"OW"
how dare you
this is my blog
this is my blog and i define it. i make up its contents and i dont give a rats ass if i may be wrong about whatever crap i write. and so what if i'm wrong? i keep getting things right at school its actually NICE to be wrong. and if i contradict myself, BIG DEAL. maybe i just want to write without having to worry if i'm correct or not. maybe i just want to be able to write something stupid and not have to face up to being judged on it. or evaluated. or having to answer for it. or having to explain it. fuck correctness. i'm tired of it.
FUCK CORRECTNESS. i dont care about it and neither should you. if you wanna read something correct, go bury your head in a medical journal. i'm not writing for you.
its a fucking BLOG. get over it.
i murdered two rabbits the other day just to see what its like to have blood on my hands, other than my period.
if i could pour out all my feelings into a cup and mix it up in a blender for you to drink, it'd end you.
this is my blog. i started it to write everything and anything i want. now i feel like i have to watch what i say.
good god wont the malaysian government be proud.
let me make it clear: THIS BLOG DOES NOT DEFINE ME.
it is merely a reflection of what i'm going through at the time.
ever felt so mad you wanna hit things and rip them to shreds?
a kiss to send us off
great song that.
I"M HUNGRY!!
sing it with me "too doo doo doo doot too, too doo doo doo doot too, doo doo, doo doo..."
there's a girl named NARAE..not to be confused with MARAE, which is the maori house thing. she's in linguistics AND education.
terrible weather today. hasnt stopped raining all day.
one good thing that happened tho, i found the belt for my coat. hurrah!
"a cloud hangs over...its a city by the sea" SING IT WITH ME
KEITH!!
barnster put on friendster how she wished she was born before keith married his wife or something stupidly-airheaded like that.
i'd be happy as his mistress :P
octopodes
apparently thats the plural for octopus. so its not octopuses, or octopi. its octopodes. thats one new thing i learned AND understood in linguistics lecture.
"to resist is to piss in the wind - anyone who does will end up smelling" 20 points to whoever can tell me what song thats taken from.
today's been a somewhat okay day. made pasta again, and it tasted..better :) used a ridiculous amount of cheese for that. mmm..cheese. i'll be as round as a ball in no time, bwahahaha.
why do i feel like i'm in such deep shit with my education courses?
"love can be a many splendoured thing" another 20 points to whoever name the song that came from.
go listen to the "i dowanna be a player no more" incubus and big pun.
THIS SPOT IS A DEDICATION TO HUNNIE. SOF!! MAY YOUR ANKLE HEAL SOON.
MEN ARE SCUM!
either that or they're gay.
or taken.
if men are scum, then i miss my scumbag :P
here's to octopodes!
long live those creatures.
emotional baggage
overload!!
anyhow, its been a slow weekend. not much happening now in town.
OH TALK ABOUT INDOCTRINATION!!
there was a meeting today with some malaysian high com whats-it something-or-other along those lines at the university. UGH, on sunday morning?? anyways, it was compulsory for sponsored students, esp first years.
lets get on with it. it was basically an indoctrination session..sesi indoktrinasi. here are some quotes on what she said:
- "sponsored students cannot drink" (alcohol lah)....uh, whoops.
- "...we trust guys more" (WTF??)
- "must sembahyang..jgn sembahyang jamak" (combine several prayers together)
- christians must go to church ah.
and etc etc. it was met with much teeth-griiting and under-the-breath-mumbling and eye-rolling from my part. UGH!! i cannot UGH enough for this. UGH!!!
who here misses gwen stefani's old no doubt image, hands up.
aih..got a lot of stuff on my mind but i malas wanna type. its all senseless, superficial bullshit about me anyways. what can be so new about that?
here's an interesting thought
there's a girl here who's going out with a guy we all think is a moronic asshole. if i had to compare him with anyone i know, it'd be...well THE moronic asshole.
apparently before they were dating she hated his guts and they were always arguing. "fatal attraction kot...", someone said.
well, a bunch of us think she should dump him.
she's living with him now.
she cooks for him, and he never bothers to help cook or clean up. and when asked "why doesnt he help you?" she cant answer.
come on girl, you deserve better.
if she's shortchanging herself and she knows it, its going to be a hard time forgiving herself when its all over.
if its all over.
i think i saw her wear his shirt and a ring.
its painful for me to watch cause...well, its too familiar.
tblog was down earlier today
some upgrade of some sort. how annoying
what the fuck kinda sick moron are you??
i cannot stand people (here i mean west malaysians in particular) ascribing us borneo inhabitants traits of savagery, lawlessness, and etc. i would stone you myself if i could. or better yet, chop off your head. bwahahahaa.
i can go on and on ranting and raving with all the knowledge i have about stereotyping, racism, prejudice, colonialism, compartmentalising and defining people, the notions of power in society and GOD KNOWS whatever crap i can come up with now that i'm angry but cant when it comes to tutorial and i have to talk about this shit. BUT I CHOOSE TO PUT UP WHAT THAT NARROW MINDED, XENOPHOBIC YA put up.
she should die.
die a million deaths for her ignorance and not wanting to amend her state of ignorance.
DIE!!!!!!!!!
anyhoo, feel free to stone her after reading the comments below:
well i browse through miri...well miri is a very small town and remote town...and i browse thru that most of the ppl in miri is orang ulu? whats is that? some sort of orang in the hutan ker?
i guess you must be orang ulu rite? orang ulu bitch i might call you...ahaks
well apa i nampak dalam internet orang ulu nie telinga panang2...ahahahah..apa sal telinga u tak panjang erk?
lagi pun i dgr kat miri nie seks bebas jer..ahaks...betul ke?
tapi tak pe i faham you kan kampung..duduk atas pokok punyer orang...biaselah org ulu kan...ahhahahah
orang ulu suka makan babi dan juga makan daun ubi betul tak?
then melalui ape yg i bace org ulu macam u nie suke makan kulit babi...ala lemak babi kot?
ahaks.....i nak tanya sedap ke daging babi?
u ni mesti rasa muka u nie lawa sangat kan? i tau sgt cara2 u all ambik gambar tu and i know it..coz i know design very much...maxcell tempat u belajar tu pun i tengok macam cibai je tempat dia....
apasal u belajar tempat situ? tak malu ker? habis belajar pun jadi waiter ahahaha...tak pun tukang masak..tukang masak daging babi ahahahah...
u pesan dekat kawan2 u yg lain tu biar lah nak cakap apa pun...i tak kisah...yang i tau you mmg cibai! ! !
i rasa u pernah kena main org cina kan? haahhaaha
well butoh tak sunat tu jugak u cari yer...
okay lah...i dah penat layan kerenah you all nie..muah muah! ! !"
i have 2 reactions:
1 is that of anger...well you can understand why.
the other is that of laughter. the twisted side of me that somehow sees thru all this and realises that its all rooted in fear and misconceived preconceptions.
either way, the country's in deep shit.
it has been for a while now and will continue to be so if we allow this to continue.
what the hell am i talking about? of COURSE it will continue. you stupid xenophobes!
someone once said, and this was quoted in the holocaust memorial hall in the auckland museum "racism is man's biggest threat. the maximum of hate for the minimum of reasons" i forgot who said it. but i liked that quote so much i took a picture of it.
i dont hate her for her ignorance, the girl who said those things.
ignorance is no reason to hate anyone.
its the fact that people can choose to stay ignorant and not fix whats wrong in their head about their ideas and stuff thats a reason to stone them.
you do the hokey pokey...
we got free ice cream, yay.
my hands are cold.
there's going to be an inspection on our residences sometime soon. i dont give a fuck.
uh...neil called me ally :) and he got confused on what to call shark, haha.
keith got a haircut. he looks like the lead toy soldier in the movie toy soldiers..the one voiced by tommy lee jones :P
i want to eat meat.
meat with bone.
i'm sick of mince meat
and chicken cutlets
and ready to cook pork.
not sausages tho..its beef and garlic sausage this week.
and leave my bacon alone too.
why is it so cold in aud's room? did she leave the windows open??
uh...
i need new clothes.
and more money.
i think i'll get so bored tonight i might start marinating meat.
i want meat with bone damnit!
oh, i got 7.0 out of 10 for Engwrit assignment...hunnie got 7.5 and she has proclaimed me her rival.
damnit. i'm competitive.
we used to compete for scores in the IELTS writing..
most times i beat her, of course.
ah, that vanity.
i threw it away because it made bubbles when it was boiling
blog statistics
its so weird how my blog's been turning up in strange searches..like google germany for "love takes time but you've"..uber google!
we went out last night to mexicali around midnight but it was closed so we went to esquires coffee instead. i think its st patrick's day today..but i'm not sure. i'm feeling a bit dizzzy but i dont know why.
anyhoo,
i wanted to say something but i forgot.
oh yes, what do you make of people who put up pictures of their bf's up as their primary pic (obviously its FS i'm talking about here) and have the caption as "my hubby"? i dont know about you, but it makes me go "EEuugghh"
I FEEL SOO OFFENDED.
there's this gathering thing later and we're (as in the mara tesol bunch) are supposed to cook. it just so happens that me and aud are in charge of dessert. now bear in mind that we are non-muslims and they are muslims (my, my..the dominant group and the "others") now it was a very unwise choice to put me and aud in charge of such a thing as food because there are some of them who are very particular about what they eat. but we thought, oh, dessert would be fine. we'll just buy fruits and serve that. aud suggested we make jelly, but i said we cant because the jelly here has gelatin in it. and a salad? who knows what the salad dressing has that we dont know they cant take. so we thought, fine, we'll stick to fresh fruit and fruit juices. cant go wrong with that right?
WRONG!
last night during the uber-redundant group meeting before we went to food town, chuckster asked us "what are you guys preparing for dessert?" i said "Oh, fresh fruit and juice" then she said "why dont you guys buy tinned fruits? there's an offer at foodtown and bla bla bla bla bla bla" now here's the thing: are you so afraid of what we serve that you have to dismiss our ideas on food? and she even had the foodtown promo brochure to show us. so..oh-kay. aud was just staring at CHUCKSTER in disbelief and i just went "aha..oh..ahha". the tinned fruits are already in syrup, right? chuckster got the nerve to say "buy syrup to put on the fruits because it may not be as sweet as the syrup back home". URGH...forget it.
so we bought the tinned fruits, and i even said "Oh, we need to use your bowls to serve them in. who knows, some of you may be very particular about what we eat in our bowls..who knows what we eat in our bowls." and CHUCKSTER (damn you chuckster) went "AHhh..." geez.
so this morning, as in a few minutes ago, aud went to check on whats going on with the lunch thing. and zebra asked her "what have you guys prepared for dessert?". aud said "fruits in the can" and then zebra said "fruits in the can?? susah susah kite masak, korang beli je fruits in the can?" something along those lines, i wasnt there to hear it. so aud said "well, mimi (thats chuckster's preferred name) said to buy fruits in the can and who knows, some of you might not be comfortable eating what we've prepared".
and she came back and said she was so offended. i am too.
here's the thing. if you want us to be in charge of food, when you're so particular about it, TELL US WHAT TO DO. dont ask us to come up with ideas (that were not bad to begin with) and then say, "no no, you do it like this. your idea sucks".
oh and by the way, lets just make me and aud NOT an option ever again when it comes to food preparation. we already volunteered to clean up after, why make us deal with food when thats such a sensitive topic for you?
rosemary (our lecturer during summer school) felt quite offended when she handed us out jelly beans during summer school and they couldnt eat them because
they werent halal.
of course she didnt know about that, so it hit her hard la. she was still talking about it the next day.
ugh
lemme eat my gelatin jelly.
that i would be good
that i would be good even if i did nothing
that i would be good even if i got the thumbs down
that i would be good if i got and stayed sick
that i would be good even if i gained ten pounds
that i would be fine even if i went bankrupt
that i would be good if i lost my hair and my youth
that i would be great if i was no longer queen
that i would be grand if i was not all knowing
that i would be loved even when i numb myself
that i would be good even when i am overwhelmed
that i would be loved even when i was fuming
that i would be good even if i was clingy
that i would be good even i i lost sanity
that i would be good
whether with or without you
~alanis morisette
eww..gross
hunnie's complaining about an ingrown hair. eww...shes practising the indian dance they're performing next month for some malaysian thingy at britomart area. i wanna go see! but thing is, it'd be pretty cold next month. the dance looks pretty good. thumbs up, thumbs up.
today's been quite tiring so far. we went up queen's street to K road. found a bunch of shops and had sushi for dinner. its great that those things get so much cheaper when they want to get rid of it.
recently i've been thinking of all the stuff aud and i used to do at kms. there wasnt really much to remember bout eelin cause she wasnt around most of the time. my god, the countdown to go home, and the number of blog entries that say "the holidays are here"..i really hated the place. and i hated going back. and i used to trip on my baju kurung. we used to congregate before going back, although can you call it congregating when its just 2 people meeting?
and there was a cat i wanted to bring home. it had blue eyes and siamese markings. i wonder whats happened to it.
i wonder who's staying in the chi-room.
we'll be going to food town later tonight. i'm quite tired la. might sleep early or something. if we dont go to the red square later..its friday night!
i need to get a job. i'm far too free and i keep spending money.
i dont like myself very much right now.
tawhirimatea
thats the gods of wind and rain.
you came in with the breeze...on sunday morning. lalallaa. sad to say, but gwen really was a whole lot hotter back then. she's too...commercial now.
we were supposed to go shopping this afternoon but i slept away a very sunny day, possibly one of the last few, and aud's sick. she's finishing my cookies now, haha.
hunnie doesnt like blue cheese either. said the taste was very strong. and the smell. oh well.
i think azam's a sadisctic bitch. forgive me for judging.
not much happened today actually. its been very unproductive, and i feel guilty about that since i'm so left behind in my readings.
linguistics 103! we mentioned to jackie that keith was dressed nicely yesterday during this morning's meeting, and she said "yes, he is quite a lad" and when she said we could work out a linguistics workshop on phonetics, hunnie asked "could we bring keith along too?" she gave this strange look to hunnie, and they burst out laughing several times..guess he really is the hot stuff here :P
there was an earthquake a few weeks back. it was that night that i thought shira was shaking my bed, trying to be funny or something. but it was an actual earthquake.
i dont know what to do this weekend. there's the lunch with rosemary and sue and jackie on saturday, and food and wine on sunday at the viaduct. but still..ugh.
do you get smelly if you eat lots of blue cheese?
no red hot...boo
i'm still doing this is hunnie's room and she's taking a short nap. its about ten to midnight here. we're supposed to go down to the printing room in about an hour to get our engwrit assignments printed out.
NO RED HOT!!
BOO!! we went to the vector arena next door as volunteers for their emergency drill test, and we would be part of a lucky draw to win free tickets to watch the red hot chilli peppers (THE RED HOT CHILLI PEPPERS!) in concert. i think its obvious that i didnt get the tickets. but as a consolation, i'd have vouchers to the other arena whats-it. so its not so bad i guess. there were 3 other draws as well to watch supernova perform here as well. yes, supernova as in tommy lee-supernova. apparently tommy lee and lukas were here on monday this week just to pop in to the vector arena. and the workers there got a real treat la. they were there without security and without any press surrounding them.
damnit la, why couldnt they have gone to the railway campus? its FULL of students. you'll get FAR more publicity there..unless thats what you're trying to avoid in the first place.
my biggest gripe about the night is the fact that we kept having to evacuate and leave and walk out into the rain where it was cold and wet and windy. oh well. bad chi i guess. dah la the siren sounds so retarded. ugh. at least i made a new friend :) she's nice. lots of fun.
today was the educ 116 tutorial again. i'm starting to dread that class, not because i dont understand it or because its boring but because we deal with ideas about equality and equity and race and etc. and when my ideas about how our country deals with this situation is completely at odds with other people in the class, who (in my pompous "i'm always right" opinion) have a skewed, biased, brainwashed view of the way our country manages this situation. and today, me and audrie were pointed out (as an example) that our country DOES allocate scholarships to other people. lets just say, it made my blood boil. i became a specimen, a supporting idea to someone's idea that i oppose.
she was going on and on about how the malaysian government allocates more scholarships to malays so they can catch up with other races, like the chinese, but they also give opportunities to other indigenous people of mlaysia "like allison and audrie" (use index finger to show who we are). ugh, we're talking about the concept or EQUITY here. when a certain people group are given more opportunities to better themselves through allocated scholarships or quotas in university placements etc, what is generally attempted to be done is to amend the access to power in society. because these groups have less access to power in society and because thus have less opportunities to empower themselves, the balance of power is trying to be amended in giving them chances to help themselves as a people group. here in NZ it'd be the maori and pacific island peoples.
but when we talk about the dominant group giving priority for empowerment to the dominant group while telling the public that people of the dominant group need this help because they are lagging behind compared to other ethnic groups, that is MAINTAINING THE STATUS QUO UnDER THE GUISE OF ATTEMPTED EQUITY. i cannot fully express how frustrated i am about this.
if malaysia is really taking measures to ensure equity in the malaysian society, why arent more indegenous peoples being "taken care of" ? why is it that it is only audrie and me representing malaysian-borneo? where are the orang aslis? why arent scholarships being offered to students with disabilities, if our country really practises this equity concept?
i've gone over this so many times that it tires me to talk about it again. i feel very held back to express all this in class because it'll be stepping on so many people's toes when they can reach the realisation i have on their own by shaking off everything they've been brainwashed with and looking at things with wide eyed horror :P
break out by the foo fighters makes me tyoe faster.
i think i'm done with this blog.
winter's coming early
there are more leaves on the ground now, it rains a lot more and its super windy. there's no point bringing an umbrella cause the wind makes sure you get wet by the rain. its getting dark faster and yes, its colder in the evenings now. i'm going to miss summer.
i think i've just been making a big huge deal out of something, when there was no need to be so. (did that sentence make sense?) my only regret is that i could have handled it better. i think it was how powerless i felt to change the situation. i hate feeling that way. its very confining. i feel trapped. if only i looked past myself. maybe thats why i dont feel better.
i dont think i like myself very much right now.
onto other more interesting topics,
the red hot chilli peppers ticket draw is tonight..oh ye gods, PLEASE give me a break and grant me those tickets.
there's a party going on tonight at the latin club's bar but i think we're not going because of how unpredictable the weather is.
there's a foam party this saturday but its not free, like most other parties that are organised by any club for their own members. its $10 and judging by how cold it gets at night nowadays, i dont want to come home all wet facing the wind here. and what if it rains?
there's an inter-residential party coming up at the birdcage, i hope that's free. or at least free drinks. free flow of drinks would be sweet. i might go for that one.
a certain lecturer was looking exceptionally...appealing today. great fun sitting next to hunnie during linguistics class. and yes, it was very hard to focus on phonetics and phonemes when he looked that good :P
i feel terrible that i cant be with iain now.
i better go. dinner's about done now.
whats that song that nelly furtado sang with timbaland? not promiscuous..the other one...hmm..
i just dont know what to do with my self
i'm actually just trying this out at uni..we've got a 3 hour gap from our last tutorial till our next. and since i cant go online on my own laptop in my own room, guess i'll do it here in the international student lounge. since its about lunch hour, its quite full. and quite noisy.
about my last entry...
i dont know what to do. but if it persists, i dont know how much i can take. and i dont know for how long. but ending it is the furthest thing from my mind. what i do know is that this should be a temporary thing. but it doesnt feel like it.
and july...because i promised, i will try. but it wont be easy. i'll only get my allowance in may/june. i have no idea how to pull this off but i'll try all i can. operation Convince Daddy To Let Me Come Back has already begun. i dont intend to ask them for money cause with the conversion rate and what not, that's just entirely impossible. i dont know when my exams will be ending, but hopefully they end early so that i can leave earlier.
i dont know what else to say.
i love him more than anything else, and he is the best thing to happen to me. i still dont know what i did to deserve him, and being with him makes me so happy. and i feel so secure when i'm with him. he's my equal and that makes it so easy to relate on so many things.
but taking so long hurts.
this is hard to write
i'm writing this is hunnie's room. very nice of her to offer to use her internet. kudos!
i dont know how to write this since i know iain reads my blog. cause its about me and him.
there's a break in july, and that could be a time for me to go back and have my computer looked at (yeah..) and see iain again. but bizarrely enough, i'm actually reluctant to go back. because if i see him again, it means leaving him again. i should be jumping at the chance to see him, and yes, i was excited about the opportunity to see him again. but the idea of me leaving him again..its very painful. it was painful the first time and it will never get easier.
then he said mandy's coming to kuching in july...i dont know what to make of that. ok, so she'll be in kuching. and yeah, they might probably meet up...ok...
there's the issue of them still in contact. and i've got a lot to say about that but its so hard to tell him that because i know it means a lot to him to make sure she's alright. he told me once that he promised her to take care of her. and if he could keep that promise by making sure she's alright, then...well, you get the point. i know it means a lot to him, and i know it means a lot to her to be able to still talk to him and whatnot so it'd be unfair for me to step in and go "WOI! DAH LA!". i know it means a lot to him, and its not easy for me...teeth-grittingly hard. and a lot of patience. but because it means a lot to him, its not fair for me to just tell him to cut that off.
he wants to make sure she's alright..how is this helping her move on? isnt it making her dependent on him? isnt doing this somewhat leading her on? doesnt she have friends to talk to? bottom line is, does she really need him to move on? she's a big girl. i know she meant a lot to him and vice versa but...
i hate to sound like a bitch but i have to let this out somehow.
i know this may not be true, but at times, it feels like i have to share.
if this upsets him, i'm sorry. i really am. but i dont know how to handle this situation. i dont know if i'm handling it the right way.
hell, i dont even know if i'm completely okay with them still being in contact.
this is the one way i see where he gets to keep his promise to her. i know how much that means to him.
then there's the issue of july. i promised to talk to my parents about it, and i will. but i cant make any promises about coming back, and he knows that.
i miss him. i really do.
called him just now to talk for a bit.
honestly, i really have no idea to tell this to him.
its been weighing on me for the past few days.
its been weighing on me for quite some time actually.
its not just going to go away.
why is it taking so long? CAN you actually let go of her?
i know i probably shouldnt have resorted to writing about it here and just tell you, but i dont know where to begin or how to begin and how to go about it. i'm sorry if this'd upset you.
sounds lame, i know.
and so it is...
i'm quite upset.
something's been bothering me for the past few days.
its not the first time though.
i dont know where to begin.
i dont know if i want to talk about it.
i better go, its dinner time.
~the blower's daughter - damien rice.
who is that running up and down the hall??
somebody's probably on a sugar-rush or a caffeine-high or both running up and down the hall tonight. i'm sure its fun, but its fucking noisy. CUT IT OUT!!
weekend was alright, stayed over at a family friend's house over at east auckland. and my god this country looks like a golf course. its pretty, yeah, but i think i'm getting tired of how pretty it all is. i mean, the same thing happened to me in langkawi..hmm, where's my blue cheese?
back to the weekend, the place was quite a drive from the city. and it doesnt help that she has a very bad sense of direction and the GPS thingy kept going "turn left" and the roads were hilly and her own sons were getting frustrated and shouted at her. needless to say, bad driving=nauseous allison. but she's a very nice lady, very sporting and very very talkative...VERY. her house is quaint and cosy. 3 bedroom house, single storey and VERY EXPENSIVE. rent is $400 a week and to buy, $400,000. but its, in a word, lovely. there's flowers and plants all around, and i can tell it'd be beautiful in spring. i cant help but think the former owner may be a practitioner or believer in...witchcraft or superstitions. there were wild rose bushes in front of the house and lavender. or maybe its just me. her house is a 5 minute stroll to the beach, and some of the houses there cost millions. oh, and she's a great appreciator of food. meaning, good food at her place. good food meaning MEAT!
and yes, i went to church. it was alright. communion was very similar to SIB. i had to lie about going to church here :P the church gave out crunchie bars for, seemingly, any occasion. birthdays, anniversaries, gaining citizenship, first time visitors, visitors. that led me to take a step back and question how i structure my belief system.
there seems to be a lot of gray area. i cant say for sure if i completely believe everything that was taught to me as a child but there seems to be some comfort in that because its familiar. its like a security blanket. some of the principles are...good. like forgiving one another and being patient and what not. but what religion or belief system doesnt have that? even the hare krishna's have that. besides, i already think religion is a very effective way of controlling people. covert method of control. know what i mean?
i think i like olive oil. and mint sauce. mm..yum. and blue cheese. the food here's excellent!
there's this HUGE shopping area she brought me to and its fantastic! i love it. its not huge like the KLCC/One Utama huge. its huge as in its spread out and the stores are...well, huge. pity its on the other side of auckland. she said i'm welcome to visit and spend the weekend anytime tho, hehe.
seems to me the PR process is a lot more tricky than i thought. but there are a lot of benefits to it. namely uni fees (iain, this is going to hurt) if you're not PR, lets say you have to pay $18000 in whatever fees. if, however, the magical fee-lessening letters of P and R apply to you, you only pay $3000. then there's the issue of permanent/temporary PR and citizenship.
she said it'd be easy for me to get a job here next time since my degree's from AU..premier uni and all. plus the need to teach english to many many migrants in the city. PLUS the high pay teachers get here. sweet deal no?
there's a lot of things i want to say. but i dont know if i have the patience to type it out.
its easy to resort to throwing tantrums and sulking, isnt it? its hard to be mature (ugh) and grown up (oh god) and think things reasonably and rationally ( this sounds like moral class). its even harder to put other things and other needs and other people's needs ahead of your own, after you think things through as objectively as possible..especially if you can be as bitchy and selfish and spoilt as i can. teeth-grittingly hard. some may call it character building or the coming of age or whatever romanticised version of "growing pains" they can come up with. i find it teeth-grittingly hard. painful at times. but the whole point of this paragraph is that once you've viewed something as objectively as you could have, and you realised there are other needs and other issues greater than your own, and this time you know, you really know what the right thing to do is; you know what you have to do to be fair and if you dont do it, you'll never be able to undo the regret of not being selfless when it counted. the ability to see beyond yourself - its a lot of patience and a lot of understanding and a lot of trusting. a lot of seeing beyond yourself. its teeth-grittingly hard. especially when it involves people you care about.
t
here was this place i went to today called...i forgot. it starts with a B. i know it does..briscoes, thats it. they had the coolest candles. coffee scented ones too. and i was so tempted to buy them, but then i thought...nah. its a great place for house things. furniture and kitchen stuff and decorations are all there. and its very modern designs, vibrant colours (if you like) or...anything and everything you need for a house is there.
i sound like a housewife getting all excited about that.
there was a fire somewhere in town..some sailor's home. there was a blaze on early saturday morning. kinda creepy considering me and aud walked by the area on friday night. and it was fine. are we the harbinger or disaster? cool..
iain said venu doesnt spin at soho anymore, only during certain events. and it only hit me just now...where to feng tao then??
think i'm out of things to say at last.
kudos to all you people who have read to this point.
you must be so bored.
would you like some blue cheese?
its actually quite yummy.
aud thinks it tastes funny.
its all mine then...MINE.
ugh
hey ladies...
its funny how friendly you can be when you're semi-sober. mexican thingy was alright. some lady at the shell station told us about a free entry club down at the viaduct at the wharf. we went to check it out but i think it was some event going on and it just ended. still, all the same, its funny how friendly people can be when you're semi-sober. i'm somewhat in that state now. there were 3 occasions tonight that proved my statement true, and its just past midnight. reason i'm not out and about tonight is because i'm somewhat broke (i know i can EFTPOS my way around, but i choose not to) and also i have to be up early tomorrow.
the town is a-buzz tonight with activity. and my nose is blocked yet again, but i cant take medication, not tonight. not with what i've been drinking. it was a nice place to be, mexicala (i think thats what its called). for some odd reason or another, i just felt at peace there. as did aud.
i got my ISIC card today. hopefully that means i can use the discounts on the card and what not.
we rang up a humungous bill at foodtown today when we went shopping. about $93 i think. and it's scary because we only bought what we needed as in meat, and bread and stuff along those lines. no candy or whatever. at least it was split in two, so it came up to about 40 dollars each. but still..its scary.
i saw a picture of the new puppies my family has at home, and yes, theyre cute. all puppies are cute by default.
its been a good dau, although i keep getting tired very easily. must be the coughing. this may sound absurd, but its amazing how coughing can tire you out, especially with how i cough. there was once when i actually lost weight because i was coughing. even aud said it was obvious that i had lost weight due to coughing. now thats scary.
i like blue cheese. and onions of all kinds. smelly food basically. deal with it.
i need to remove my earrings
my laptop sucks and i want to kick it
my laptop sucks and i want to kick it. there's a moron in my class and that bitch needs to be severely kicked.
oh well. my stupid laptop sucks and i want to kick it.
if it could die, i'd kill it. slowly. make it BEG for me to kill it faster. MUAHAHAHAA
stupid laptop.
DAMN YOU!
anyways, about the moron-bitch who needs to be kicked. nothing new about him. i'd like to kick his teeth in tho :)
stupid fuck said "our country practices equity"
ya right! its protecting and maintaining the status quo under the guise of equity. what is it with you and your victim complex??
nobody wants you to be leader anymore because you're such a BITCH (a BITCH I SAY!) so stop acting all self-sacrificial and electing yourself leader and then playing the role of the reluctant hero.
MORON.
its going to be easter soon, so that means easter eggs :) yay! and easter break. yay!
on to more random topics...
my room is always a mess. aud's room is always neat. why??
i have a flu. ugh
i cooked with way too many chillies this evening
i'm looking forward to the weekend
iain i miss you
there's a crick in my neck
MURDER MY LAPTOP!
educ 115 is a bitch of a course
i like linguist103. the lecturer looks like he could beat the crap out of anyone. and its the one class where you hear the entire lecture hall making funny sounds. like "EEEE" and "EH" and position your tongue as though you were about to make the "L" sound (el) and instead of breathing out, suck in air thru your mouth. go for it. imagine a whole lecture hall doing that. see why i like linguist 103?
its getting cold here, its about quarter past one. there's cheap wine at foodtown. and well..what else is there to say about that?
i want my cheese with the mushrooms.
i eat way too much onion and garlic.
and iain was right (again, ugh) those 55 min calls arent enough. he makes sense, damnit.
think i'll only be able to go online on campus. i wonder if i can get a refund for my internet fees here. highly doubt it tho. its like saying "i paid the rent for march but i didnt stay in..can i have my money back?"
~eleanor by jet
see ya.
i like this club :)
it seems like this friday there's an all-you-can-eat summer siesta indulging in mexican food and what not, and since i'm a member of the international cuisine club, its absolutely free. i like this club :) i mean. whats not to like about a club-card that has the letters EAT on it? standing for Educate, Acculturate and Taste. how awesome is that?
ever get the feeling that you're the hot topic of conversation? in a gossipy/sensational way? seems as though the excursion into the auckland nightlife created some ripples among the MARA crew here. but seriously, i dont give a fuck. they two-face and backstab amongst themselves and stick to themselves here. there are the double standards they practice among themselves to themselves and to others. what i cannot stand is that i know there are the fake smiles when they greet me. i dont need your validation ok? for the past 2/3 years i have had to live my life according to your norms and values and bear in mind not offending your norms and values, regardless of my own personal view. and now, when those norms and values are no longer binding me, or aud, nobody has any authority to exert those norms and values over me any longer. just because i dont have to put up with them and YOU have to doesnt mean i need that fake smile that makes you look like you're cringing to pass a kidney stone or are badly constipated.
the mara people are seemingly unfriendly and unapproachable, it seems.
whatever lah. i've always been sick of it all. i wont be surprised of they've never had any other non-friends before. or very many of them. i'm talking about friends here, not just acquaintances.
MOVING on..
sigmund freud has the most bizzare sounding theories i've heard. penis envy?? say wha?? of course, i bet it was ground-breaking at the time. and obviously appealing to the phallic-centric mindedness of academicians of the time. muahahaha. feminists...ATTACK!!!
i'm on a highway to hell..ACDC :)
there's one course i dont understand: educ 116. cause they take into account so much of NZ's history and social landscape..especially relating to race-relations and etc...UGH!
its eelin's birthday today, 6th march. so happy birthday to her :)
oH..shelly viewed me on friendster. how's that marriage coming along, eh? he's a real prat isnt he? hahaha, you know he is. obnoxious as hell and you know that too. just makes you want to smack his face in with a sharp stiletto heel. OH it feels so GOOD to say this! you're quite a little bi-otch too you know. MUAHAHAHA. oh, i'm telling you, if that future bro-in-law of yours, if he could have that rib surgery and bend enough to suck his own dick, you know he would. he's a moron that should die of his own superficiality, double standards and sheer rottenness. i cant believe you're marrying into that family!
i do wish for your happiness, but if that comes at a cost of putting up with morons, and consequently producing more morons for the rest of your life, girl, you're screwed.
iain told me airasia may be having flights to australia soon. i remember they were planning to venture into the long haul flights market, but like how they deal, it'd probably have to be booked wa-ay in advance to get the super cheap rates, and they can cancel if there are not enough passengers. still, its super cheap flights. fingers crossed, fingers crossed...
OH ye GODS, be kind and merciful! grant my love what he needs so we can be together here. we deserve at least that.
there are some songs i cant bear to listen to, simply because there's too much i've attached to them..some songs by jet, in particular.
he makes me smile when he sings. i remember when he sang bits of songs. "i swear i love you, just the way you are", and its so true. its the greatest feeling in the world when someone accepts and validates you for who you are, without passing judgement or wanting to change a single thing about you. makes you think "am i really worth this?", and somehow, changes you and quite possibly your life and your views too.
i think i better go. its past midnight, and it seems that aud has fallen asleep while reading something.
that dont impress me much.
all hail shania twain for that song..its playing in the background now. someone's got the radio extra loud.
last night's lantern fest was a huge let down. methinks the lantern fest at bukit jalil i saw last year was wa-ay more impressive. i remember the hundred foot dragon made of plates. and the lantern of international landmarks like the taj mahal and klcc and a little park of pandas. and a lot of other stuff. last night's lantern fest at albert park felt like petaling street at its peak. or kuching fest being absolutely packed with people. even the lion dance felt somewhat lukewarm. there were no firecrackers at the end and i think the drums and cymbals were toned down. so it was a let down.
i'll tell you what stood out for me tho, the fact that i found the yummiest little sio bee's here in auckland! good god, its better than all the sio bee's i've eaten before, and i've eaten a lot of them. but last night's sio bee's were really soft and juicy and fell apart in your mouth when you eat them.
then me and aud got so bored of the pasar atmosphere of the so-called lantern fest, when there were in reality less than 20 lanterns and that doesnt count as a fest, we sat around and saw smoke. so we followed the smoke and found a stall selling mussels and the kuali's were on fire and such. and then "Hey, nice tattoo la.." we stayed around to watch them cook the mussels and gape at how cool their tattoos were. i mean seriously, it was so intricate.
and aud just mentioned the cook last night. haha, he left quite an impression on her.
there's so many malaysians here at the railway campus..sometimes it feels like i'm living in rempit town or something. and some of them tend to be the dirtiest lot in the kitchen, as in they dont tidy up after themselves after cooking. since it is a shared kitchen, i cant help but feel a tinge of embarassment.
aud's turn to cook tonight. wonder what she'll cook. there's the pumpkin and the beef she's defrosting.
i must commend myself on my cooking last night. not bad for someone who doesnt know what she's doing. just gather a bit of all the bawangs we have..the red one, the white one, the big one. and the spring onions too. and mushrooms. and that super cheap cabbage we have to finish before it goes bad. and beef. and ginger too. turned out alright.
i'm coughing. and i have a sore throat. and mine eyes doth feel puffy. and a slight fever. and i keep sniffing. ugh.
mohinder's gay. as in the RA here who looks like mohinder suresh is gay. someone heard him talking "rather fondly" (anon.) about "another guy". and he's a prat too, as in the whole "i'm hot and you're not, so i dont talk to you".
why cant vodafone make international smses cheaper? i swear its like bloody celcom. and i was a hotlink user!
i'm getting super pissed about my internet la...menyampah you know. i paid a whole sem and i've been complaining about it for over 2 weeks now to the administration and i never get to use it! ugh.
mm..think i've run out of things to say. my finger's healing nicely now. i scraped off the skin near my nail on my fourth finger in a kitchen accident. it was a latch near the fridge that scraped it off and there was a flap of skin dangling and blood by the time i was going "AARRRGGGHHHH!!! OOOWWWW!" its better now, about two weeks on. but its a real pain when it comes into contact with really hot water or if it bumps into something. or if it bumps into something when dealing with hot water.
toodle-oo.
iain mentioned that i was getting more personal with my blog nowadays. is that true?
was really good talking to him last night. just talking. i miss that.
no tomorrow
gotta love that song by orson.
last night was alright.
SUMMER SHAKESPEARE (THE MERCHANT OF VENICE)
i understood what was going on, and now i know where the phrase "a pound of flesh" came from. some cast members were made up like ppl from a panic at the disco! video, with the raccoon-eyes type makeup and what not. overall i enjoyed it, BUT i have to sa, there were times when i thought it was trying a bit too hard to be like Baz Lurrman's (is that how you spell it?) interpretation of romeo and juliet. the whole olde english text within a somewhat modern setting. i'd give it a 7/10. others may not agree with me, but thats their problem.
anyhoo, during the duration of the play, there was a live band performing somewhere in the background..in the quad area, methinks. and they sounded so good! i was confused as to what i wanted to watch..a live band that sounded good and shakespeare. both that were free! oh god...and in the end, i ended up watching shakespeare.
MARGARITAS
that was the place we headed to after shakespeare. it was alright. part of me was thinking "Wo..look at the size of them bouncers!" lets see anyone try to do anything funny with them around. music was oh-kay. if you liked hip-hop/r&b you go upstairs, if you like trance/techno you go downstairs. so in that sense there was a restriction as to variety in music.
kudos to mark for holding my jacket, even though he perpetually sucks at dancing. and got rejected twice, trying to find a partner. haha. and guna, for taking care of my bag. they were a nice enough bunch to go out with, but uh...i dont know if i wanna go out with them again. i mean, i had to tell mark to "MOVE BACK" several times on the dance floor cause he was dancing too close for my liking.
funny thing about mark is that he has a girlfriend but he doesnt want to bring his girlfriend clubbing. silly bastard. or he's embarassed by the fact that he dances so gay. i dont think i'm very comfortable around mark. he's just not being very straight-up about his background. his real name is not mark, and he doesnt want to disclose his real name. he doesnt want people to know he's from kelantan (yep) and he was quite nervous about going out last night..and me and aud were like "chill la.."
all that made me miss good ol' soho and mojo.
made me miss dancing with iain too. and how i can have conversations with him and how he can hit back with whatever nonsense i say. and come up with interesting stuff. and he feels like such an equal. like we're on the same wavelength. it becomes easy to relate, y'know?
had some shooters last night and what not that were yummy but they ran out of a bit too soon.
ok, its decided, guna and mark were somewhat good company, but i dont wanna go out with them again.
i have a sore throat and it hurts. i sound like a frog in the morning. and i have to hack and hack and hack to get the phlem out of my throat. UGH.
clubs galore
of all the clubs available on campus, i chose those that were the most gratifying - the dessert club, the international cuisine club, the hispanic club and UMSA..UMSA was purely out of courtesy. the dessert club just sits around and eats desserts, the international cuisine club's card has the word EAT on it. fantastic no? and i just found out there's a meat club, where they have barbecues and the members eat all the meat they want. now that'll be something for next year.
tomorrow will be the summer shakespeare thing in the evening, which i'm looking forward to, and then we're checking out auckland's night scene with a bunch of other people. YAY!
i still cant go online in my own room, ugh. and quite frankly, its grown on me, this internet absentness. like period pain. its there, but when its not so bad, you learn to ignore it.
if they have a meat eating club where's the veggie club? there's no such thing. and i'll tell you why - cause vegetarian kebabs SUCK! i mean, there's only so much you can do with veggies. they're good for you and all, but lets face it, animal meat taste a world better than the stuff that grows out of the ground.
bought a nice new coat today. cooked again today. not bad.
ah the mundane things that make up life. like writing in this blog..or waiting for the traffic light to turn green so i can cross.
we keep eating mushrooms here. they're greeat.
if somebody could help me track and hunt down the moron who said "absence makes the heart fonder", i would be very grateful. if, however, that moron is already long dead, maybe someone could show me how i can bring him back to life so i can kill him at my own pace. nice and slow. i have been known to be somewhat masochistic, by the way.
i still miss iain a lot. there's so much to say about that, that i dont know where to begin. when i find something to distract me, i'll be fine. but there are times when..it just hits me real hard.
there's this one comic (the only comic) i've bought. its called Vampire Loves by Joann Sfar. its about the misadventures of Ferdinand the Vampire in love. bought it cause i thought the drawings were interesting and cause it was funny. weird lot of characters. but there's this story about these 2 automatons that i liked. there was a male and a female one. ferdinand the vampire's friend had the female automaton, and he bought it because he could beat her at chess every time. but the there was a problem - her eyes started leaking. it was as though she was crying, but that couldnt be. she's an automaton. she's not supposed to have feelings.
they soon figured that there must be 2 of them, and ferdinand's friend was cheated into buying one that was supposed to be sold as part of a pair. his friend was reluctant to track down the other automaton, but ferdinand insisted, saying it was bad for his carpet anyway as the automaton was crying.
long story short, they found the male automaton.
the female automaton ran straight to him from across the room and ran her fingers through her hair. he had been crying too, but when they were together, they both started crying and tried to kiss each other.
TRIED
but failed
because they didnt have mouths.
this frustrated them, and they started to get violent, as they were desperate to have an effect on each other.
so to solve the problem, ferdinand's friend got out a chess board and the two lovers started to play chess. this suited them well enough.
the story about the automatons ends there. its actually a sub-plot in a story, but i like it well enough. it goes on and on about ferdinand helping out in a murder case
"love isnt any easier when you're dead" - thats what the synopsis said about the book.
its not bad, you should ckeck it out sometime.
i think me and aud know queen's street quite well here in auckland.
i love peaches.
"peaches - i could eat a peach for hours" - john travolta as nicholas cage's characer in face/off.
they're so fuzzy!
um..if you've read till this point on this very mundane blog, get up and do something.
please.
its sad
i write boring things.
go
i urge thee
GODSPEED!
i teach my flatmate the salsa now.
oh, the hispanic club has their own bar and they have super cheap drinks there PLUS sponsored bottles of cuervo :D
GO already
you've wasted enough time reading to this point.
bye bye
are you still reading?
good god.
go eat a veggie kebab if you're that bored.