if you read my last entry, i said i like 2 guys, K and W. but that didn't stop me from missing W so much today. i have no idea why. yes, i like him, so it a perfectly normal reflex to miss him, but especially today, i miss him. maybe more than yesterday.

funny, i actually owe W a lot even though i may have feelings for another. for one, he was my muse. and here's one i wrote about him called Disco Baby.

Disco Baby,
I cannot love you more
than your thumb and fingers four.
I wish the best for you;
Disco Baby - Adieu.

i wrote that a while back, there's a lot more to it, but it sums up what it was all about. its sort of a bittersweet thing, cause somehow i know this is just a phase, and one day it'll end.

i want to trust him so badly, but i dont know if i can. i know he can take care of me, i mean, duh. after the puke-fest extravaganza that was a definite pass. but as far as how true the things he says are, well...

i gave him a pillow as a housewarming gift cause he moved into his new place last year, in november if i'm not mistaken. and nailclippers cause he needs to cut his nails, i hope he uses them. they're bloody expensive for a small piece of metal i could have easily stolen, but no, i had to pay for it. plus they were so-called airline approved, cause you cant bring the conventional type of nailclippers onboard since they're sort of a hazard (yeah, i can just picture someone running amok up and down the narrow aisles with nailclippers. oh my, so scary.) and there were chocolates as well. i dont know if he's a chocolate eater, but i know he's a definite eater. no offense to him or anything, but sometimes its kinda scary how much he can eat...and the speed, wow. (now thats scary) come to think of it, i dont know if he got the chocolates. they were Hershey's Kisses (okay, okay, i know..kinda corny but the title is i dont believe myself)

bottom line is i miss him a lot, and i can only see him in march. between the 12th to the 19th. then it'd be...i dont know how long till i see him again.

okay al, snap out of it. i'm starting to sound like a love-sick puppy. maybe its the cloudy, depressing weather outside.

it was so good i woke up smiling!

so what actually happened? well...
in it, at first, i was apparently with Mr W. but somehow we broke up. dont get me wrong, thats not what made me smile. thing is, i like Mr W in real life. but its just that:i just like him. nothing more, nothing less. so then in the dream...now i dont know if i should be telling this cause i'd REALLY like it to come true. i know it sounds pathetic and all but, i really do. then at some point, i was at this other guy's place Mr K. and there were lots and lots of cats around. the ones with blue eyes and siamese markings..i think they're called siamese cats. but in reality i know that his place does NOT have a single cat, blue eyed or otherwise.

long story short, plus i dont want to jinx anything, i ended up hitting it off quite well with Mr K (btw, K and W dont represent anything, and as far as i know, both their names dont have any W's or K's so dont try to guess who) there wasnt any funny business going on, but it was just nice to get along well with K. why? cause in reality, there is no chance in hell we would. he's just so...out of reach. God, i sound desperate.

so why do i want this to happen so badly? because:

• its been known that i have "sign" dreams. several of them have come true and its freaky when they do. good thing is, the events dont really catch me off guard and a sense of "this was meant to be" comes over me.
• i really like this guy.(K) its not that i like W any less, but its just that i like both and K is the better of the lot.
• W is a going-nowhere thing.
• i REALLY like K.
• my friend says she has this instinct that something will happen with K. if you've read Elizabeth Gaskell's North and South, she says he's Mr Thornton.
• my friend would much rather see me with K.
• actually a lot of people would rather see me with K.
• I would rather see me with K.
• my friends would like K better than W. i know its no way to judge a guy, but still, i like K better than W too.

so am i setting myself up for a fall by putting by hopes up so high on a dream? or do you believe in dreams? or am i deluding myself? how powerful are dreams anyway? 

Here is something i found which really does reflect most, if not all, my views on the caricature issue. it may not be right, but i am entitled to agreeing with other people:

 As a Christian Malaysian, I do not condone ridiculing of sacred values regardless of which religion may have been targeted. From that perspective, the Danish cartoon issue is reprehensible and much more care could have been taken before the decision to publish given the present schism between the Western and the Muslim world.

At the same time, I do understand that behind the art of carricature there can be legitimate social comments and if taken in more sober spirit they may contain very important lessons for all. Of course we must all also bear in mind that not all people have the same threshold for critical comment or humour.

Be that as it may, certain developments in Malaysia of late are giving people of goodwill serious cause for concern. Over the M Moorthy conversion issue, among other things, we saw the coming together of otherwise arch enemies Umno and PAS. Both reacted sharply to the memorandum submitted by the nine cabinet ministers.

From a democratic standpoint, I do not have problems with that. Every Malaysian should have the right to express their true feelings although of course a more circumspect manner of doing so would have been better for social relations purposes. What I do take exception to is the fact that it is all too one-sided and double standards are so blatantly adopted in such matters in Malaysia.

With due respect, Umno and PAS must understand that while they hold their religious values sacred and their right in this is not been contested, other Malaysians also hold their religious values sacred. When the Holy Bible in the national language is effectively banned in public book stores in Malaysia (and this is still the case), as a Christian Malaysian I feel scandalised and
outraged.

Not so in Egypt. When traveling in the highway between Cairo and Alexandria, I found a Bible Society booth in the rest area amidst restaurants and other shops. The Holy Bible in Arabic and other religious study books were in full display and well patronised by all and sundry.

Whereabouts are Umno and PAS in this? How come they can take to the streets when their values have been deemed to have been invaded but even a candlelight service by other Malaysians had to cease. Whereabouts were Umno and PAS when 9/11 took place? At that time I found Anwar Ibrahim's article in Time magazine entitled ‘Who hijacked Islam?’ so timely and reassuring.

In it he summarily condemned the violence against innocent people as non-Islamic and the perpetrators of this cowardly act did not speak for Islam; Muslims of goodwill should take their stand and speak up for true Islam. Mutual respect for one another and adherence to universal values and fundamental human rights as extolled by all religions is the only path to peace and harmony for Malaysia and the world at large. May God have mercy on all human beings.

so how has my valentine been? so far, nonexistent. but lets SPREAD THE LOVE! haha, sorry, just had to do that.

i want a dog. the neighbour has a very funny looking (read:cute) dog. half the face is black. i want a dog like that. im not sure what breed it is, but i think its a pit-bull terrier. in my mind it is. i could be wrong. but if i had a dog like that, i'd name it 60's TV..cos its black and white. or maybe YingYang, but that'd be an irritating name to call.

so far my shoplifting attempts have been very successful. the latest one was at the Body Shop right under the sales assistant's nose! 2 of them! and it was a small thing, lipbalm. but the best thing about it was that they were right behind me, and i was the only customer in the shop. i dont know if they suspected it, but i made it look like i was interested in soaps. long story short, i got away with it. and as i walked out, apparently not so empty handed, i got the "thank you, come again" from them..of course i will ;)

we officially moved in last night, and i'm really happy about it. despite all the stuff that stood in our way:

• the ceiling is leaking
• i wrecked the padlock to my locker so i cant open it :(
• nobody could open the locker last night, so i havent managed to unpack everything.

but the juniors that live around us were quite nice in telling us about the leaky ceiling before we found out ourselves and dropping by to say hi (i guess)

anyways, in other news, JOHN LEGEND WON BEST NEWCOMER!!

kanye and jamie foxx gave an awesome performance at the grammy's and its my personal joke that mariah didnt win much (HAR HAR) she was very gracious about it at the ceremony, and of course U2 would win album of the year - they should give other people a chance..like kanye. but i'm really glad john legend won that award.

i seriously think im getting addicted to shoplifting..its more about getting things i dont need for free. and its the buzz i guess, i mean i get dizzy from it, and there's only one other thing that can make me dizzy like that (which i shall not mention here). but im so lucky so far cause i havent been caught and i havent been suspected of it...yet. either ways, i should have started earlier :)

about the tribune being under threat of closure because of the caricatures...i dont know if this is the perfect example of press freedom being limited or a good judgement on a newspaper that offers second-rate reporting. in the past there have been incidences when they reported events that were already reported on in other newspapers (read: old news) and reporting different facts from the other newspaper (read: politically determined news?) and i noticed that they tend to focus on sensation-stories..(read: hype) where's the news? sensation-stories are for the tabloids. stop filling up pages on rape incidences, burglaries, violent crime and tell me about what's going to affect me directly. and its too localised, meaning they focus too much on whats going on in that one state, and dont include much from a national perspective. i know its not a nationwide newspaper, but still..

well, i guess we'll see what happens to that newspaper. but if it gets shut down, thats LOTS of people without jobs.

there are a lot of things on my mind and i dont really know where to start.

for one, a local newspaper created some contraversy recently by printing some caricatures that some people found offensive. i dont even read that newspaper, cause the paper makes my fingers dirty and it smells funny (seriously) and (no offense to the journalists) personally i think its second-rate journalism. but back to what i wanted to say, due to the fury unleashed upon the newspaper as a result of printing those caricatures, the editor or senior editor quit. an apology was issued and they had to present themselves to the authorities, all while facing the threat of having their printing permit suspended or revoked. irrespective of the fact that i dont read that newspaper (because to do so would make this personal)  revoking their printing permit effectively is  amputating press freedom, as though not enough parts have been chopped off already. as someone was saying in some other website, is rm1.20 every day really worth our freedom of knowledge and knowing the truth untainted of political propoganda? and is it really necessary to shut down a newspaper just cause they slipped up once?

in other news in my life, there's this really cute cat in our dorm i named Come Here Quickly. its got blue eyes and siamese markings and its so friendly. i was originally planning to bring it home with me because i think it was somebody's pet and it needs someone to take care of it. i mean, its been spayed. the other night, it tried to defend me and my friend from a dog and other cats. LITERALLY. i thought a cat with this kind of loyalty and bravery deserves a home, and i did get my parent's permission to bring it home, but i had to arrange everything myself. that means airport permit, veterinary and vaccination records, a letter to the state authorities, ministry of this that the other etc etc. just too much. so if anyone wants to adopt this cute adorable kitty, tell me. or if you have ideas on what to do..

we're supposed to move rooms to the next dorm cause they're doing renovations in our current dorm. i dont really mind, except for the fact that i have to lug all my stuff up to the third floor. okay, i know it could be worse, but still we've got a great view, and i get to stay with my friends! we were so excited about moving in and if we could we would've moved in already but they have to fix the ceiling. its a really nice room and the chi just clicks but people were avoiding the room cause...well some people said it was dusty while others said it was haunted. okay, so if its dusty we'll clean it and if its haunted we'll come running out of the room,screaming, at around 3 am :P

what i was surprised at was that when people chose to move out and live with their friends quite a number took it personally. i still cant figure out why.

its funny how things turn out. on one hand you got people all high on how great life is to them, on the other hand , you got people who backstab each other and on the third hand, you got people who are so jaded they just dont care anymore..right now i think i'm one of those people in the third hand of things: I just dont care anymore.

here's the thing i dont really understand. this blog is mine and i can sound my mouth off about anything, right? well, anything politcally inflamatory in nature would result in me being put under the ISA, HAR HAR.but back to what i want to say...hmm, what am i trying to say? well, some people have seen my blog and i guess have felt offended. (?)  in the words of a well-known music critic and successful producer, Simon Cowell, I DONT MEAN TO BE RUDE, but havent you got anything better to do? geez, leave it be already, this thing is getting OLD.

WELL...

once upon a time, there was a very naive, very intelligent, but very adamant princess of a faraway land. her name was Princess Shopalot. like her name suggests, she was a shopaholic. and Princess Shopalot was happiest when she was shopping. but one day, on a two week shopping spree in Shopping Land, which she spent with her best friend, Princess Wicked COoL, she met a guy...and his name was Mr Jackass Supreme.

Now Princess Shopalot was unaware that despite Mr Jackass Supreme's exterior lay a dark, twisted, demented past. nonetheless, she fell for him. head over Jimmy-Choo heels, she fell for him. initially she was using him, for her own personal pleasure,but when she figured out that it was she who was being used instead, she friggin lost it. they say hell hath no fury like a woman scorned...and Princess Shopalot was no ordinary woman-she was adamant.

it was then that Princess Shopalot decided to form an evil plot against Mr Jackass Supreme. she confessed to Princess Wicked COoL that she had feelings for Mr Jackass Supreme, which was partially true. but unbeknownst to Princess Wicked COoL and Mr Jackass Supreme, there was a part of her that just loathed Mr Jackass Supreme's guts and would like nothing more than to make him suffer and regret. she then set out to make herself the girl he could never have, the one that got away, because she knew she was the best catch a jackass like Mr Jackass Supreme would ever catch.

they say in chess you must sacrifice the knight to save the queen. and that is exactly what Princess Shopalot did. she sacrificed something very precious to her, that she could never get back, that was ever more costly than her arrogance and pride. but slowly as time progressed, she began to feel actual emotions for Mr Jackass Supreme.

OH NO!

but one day, Princess Wicked COoL revealed to her a truth that would awaken her from this trap of seduction and lies she found herself getting tangled up in: Mr Jackass Supreme had a few  many  lots of girls he was playing off all at the same time. it was then that Princess Shopalot knew she had to go through with her original plot and destroy Mr Jackass Supreme once and for all.

now all this while, Mr Jackass Supreme has been dropping hints about getting together as a couple with Princess Shopalot. but she knew better. she knew you could never trust a guy who said he loved you 4 days after meeting you while he was cheating on one of his girlfriends. such scum doesnt deserve a vow to vengeance, you may think, but the thing about Princess Shopalot was, that she was ADAMANT.

back to the story, Mr Jackass Supreme tried to force an answer out of Princess Shopalot by saying that his daddy wanted them to get together. unfortunately Princess Shopalot was already making sure her master plan was unfolding, and was currently enjoying the joys of shoplifting more than shopping itself. 

truth be told, Princess Shopalot had feelings for another all this while, Sir Successfull-and-Damn-Elig ible, a knight she had been admiring from afar. however, there was just no way she could get him. he was just out of her reach. her friend, Ms Honest and True, thought they would make the perfect match and would get together one day..it was just inevitable. and she had a gut feeling it would happen. Princess Shopalot could only wish for that. after all, Sir Successful-and-Damn-Eligi ble was everything she could ever hope for in a guy.

in the meantime, Mr Jackass Supreme consulted a wicked witch with yucky warts on how to snag Princess Shopalot so he can mark her as another notch on his bedpost. the wicked witch said that he will never win her heart, because that would be interfering with free will...that being something the gods would never allow. he can only claim her as his own, after wiping out her mind. and to do this, he must pierce her heart with a sharp needle after she drinks of the evil potion he must slip into her drink.

and one day, he tries to do exactly this. but Princess Shopalot was one step ahead of him. a little sparrow who overheard Mr Jackass Supreme and the wicked witch plotting told her what was going to happen. the sparrow then told her to find the Golden Spear of Truth, stab Mr Jackass Supreme through the heart with it and utter the magic words to destroy Mr Jackass Supreme. so she flung the contents of her crystal glass at Mr Jackass Supreme and she stabbed him with the Golden Spear of Truth and declared once and for all "I DESERVE BETTER! I DESERVE BETTER, YOU SONOFABITCH! I HOPE YOU ROT IN HELL!!"  which was the magic spell to end his life forever.

so he died, moaning a pathetic "NOOOOoooo...." till his last breath. but thats not the end.

then Princess Shopalot met Sir Successful-and-Damn-Eligi ble on her way home. they got the talking and ended up together as they rode off into the sunset on Sir Successful-and-Damn-Eligi ble's beautiful stead. Princess Shopalot then confessed to Princess Wicked COoL who it was she actually had feelings for and she was so happy for them. when Ms Honest and True was told about Sir Succesful-and-Damn-Eligib le, she could not be happier. and so they all lived happily ever after while Mr Jackass Supreme DID rot in hell.

THE END

like it? tell me. i'm late for class now. bye! :)