i dont know why im so depressed. there's no exact reason i can pinpoint but i think its caused by a lot of things. a lot of which i dont see the point in saying cause its not anything ive never said before and its nothing new either.

there's a guy who's been freaking one of my friends out. says he wants to marry her..yada yada. why cant some guys get the hint? its not like she's never told him before.

o-kay, spotlight on me. whats wrong al?
i dont know. i think its a whole load of reasons...one of them being the exams coming up, another being the food shortage and the implications of playing with fire.

no, its not the sulphur thing.. heard the saying "play with fire and u might get burnt?" its true. and why look for something beyond a dead end? it ends right there-and its DEAD.

all i want to do right now is stare at the ceiling and listen to Jewel's "Foolish Games" and roll over and sleep and never wake up.

maybe its the weather. there hasnt been a sunny day in a while.

maybe its cause i wish i really knew for sure how he felt.

blogging...its made me neglect my journal.

let me just state for the record that one of the funnest and dumbest things i did over the weekend (and i still cant believe it) was burning sulphur. like the yellow thing. it all started innocently enough..me and my fren were playing firecrackers. scared a bunch of juniors too, haha. but then we got bored and we had this urge to BURN somethng. so we saw 1. the sulphur around the dorm 2. the lighter 3. a dry branch. mix that with 2 very bored ppl, and u get ppl who were burning sulphur. the flame was brilliant. it glowed blue and got all gloopy. but the smoke was just...no other way to describe it, acrid. eyes started watering and throat became dry. we were being poisoned. it was the same gas that causes acid rain.

ah, boredom...thou art the purveyor of stupidity.

i think one of the biggest fears of those who hold the power over all us little people is that we have the capacity to think and CRITICISE. and in doing so, we ... marxists call it class consciousness.

i saw this article where the U of Warwick (WHICH IS WHERE I WOULD HAVE BEEN SENT IF STUPID MARA DIDNT RUN OUT OF MONEY) didnt want to build a campus in singapore cos they fear the freedom of thought would be restricted. wow. caption was UK university lecturers reject planned Singapore campus over freedom fears. can you just imagine? not being given the freedom to think what you want? your mind being so brainwashed by the dominant ideology. liberal thinking-what a myth. they own our minds.

LAB COM PPL i know you can read this - go get a life.

studying in a mainly muslim community for the past year and a half has opened up my eyes in many ways as to how muslims live..hardest point being the fasting month when food is scarce and the key to survival is PATIENCE. its not so bad cause i dont really have that many muslim friends outside college. i dont really mind it but its a real bite in the ass when the enforcement of rules come into play, especially about gender segregation. i've never been taught to isolate myself from members of the opposite sex simply because thats the way things are done.

another thing i had to adjust to was the food here. let me make it public: I LOVE PORK. and the numerous ways in which this glorious meat can be cooked. so living here has completely robbed me of a near 2 years of pork-free life. so what the hell am i blogging about? let me put it this way, yesterday one of my friends was asked (she being the only non-muslim at the table) during a meal "what does pork taste like?".....excuse me, i just dont think that was the right time or place. she didnt know how to explain.i dont blame her. and it wasnt right to put her on the spot like that.

i dont know if the person who asked the question was aware of the effect of her asking that or not. but either way, it was quite selfish and insensitive to ask that. not just to my friend, but to the other people at the table who may have been taken aback by the question.

also, yesterday i was asked by a friend to relate to him christian "legends" and "myths". if he meant accounts of miracles and stuff in the bible, then he already used the wrong word, because to me, they're not "legends" or "myths" . they're real. so i was a little miffed by it. but i didnt really take offense cause maybe he didnt mean it. i just asked him what he meant. then he told me he wanted stories of saints and the disciples so he can look it up on the net. then it hit me...he wanted what st this-that-or-other did..well, my church is actually quite liberal, and i was not taught what st this-that-or-other did. i was even asked why i didnt wear a cross...isnt it my choice to wear a cross? my parents dont see the significance in it, and i certainly dont. whats more important is what is on the inside that what you see on the outside, isnt that what faith is all about? and now with the cross being more of a fashion statement that a religious one, whats the point?

i know they mean well, but sometimes its not what you ask, but how you ask it...simple tactfulness y'know?

i posted somthing up the other day on another website, and it was about how males prefered to take up "SCIENCY" subjects cause its "confirms their masculinity"..whatever that means. funny, it needs to be confirmed. anyways, little did i know it would actually touch a very sensitive nerve among some people who called the idea "ridiculous"...hey, just cause its different from what you're used to doesnt make it ridiculous. and the fact that you cant accept opposing of alternate views compared to what you're used to just proves the fact that you've been very successfully conditioned into accepting the popular beliefs of the time..

-->cue applause

also, doesnt this explain why there are fewer male language teachers? why are males shying away from linguistics and humanities which are so prevalently dominated by females?and why "sciency" jobs have more male than female workers?

-->applause

and the reason for gender based selections in subjects of study? the key word here, my friend, is OPPRESSION. the males know that these "SCIENCY" subjects will lead to more important jobs. so they cultivate the belief that linguistics and humanities are more well suited for females, successfully suppressing them and keeping the power among themelves. all this because (back to my main point, which i just wanted an opinion on) is for the confirmation of masculinity.

-->cue applause, followed by standing ovation and roses being thrown from an adoring audience

EXEUNT, flourish.

im ba-ack..havent blogged in ages and im sick of adjusting the settings on my blog, so if anyone has a problem with the color scheme or whatever, go look elsewhere.

so whats been happening? nothing much actually. i managed to chop off my hair, did i mention that? i realised my brain works a lot faster than my hands and so my writing has become a lot weird...lotsa weird words appearing.

i havent been getting angry in a while, so maybe thats why i dont have anything to blog about.

i discovered that maybe my reading Fairy Tales by the Brothers Grimm has given me quite a sadistic, sick sense of humor.it was the complete collection of fairy tales by readers digest and i read that a lot as a kid, so dont blame me if i think that a dead gator being struck by a car is damn hilarious. PARDON YOU if you think im sick. but im NOT sorry.

HAH!