turns out the church i go to has a church dog! she's so cute, and her name is TOPSY. she's friendly and really tame. needs a bath, but hey, which dog doesnt?
i'm starting to wonder if its really worth it to quit my scholarship after my a-levels. i know i'm probably gonna be stranded..all my potential gone to waste? but whats the harm in actually finishing my studies in NZ, teaching (i DOUBT i'll teach more than 2 years. the thought of teaching English to people who are so against speaking it just IRKS me) and then going for a career change. besides i could apply to teach in an international school.

but its just the fact that i wont be doing exactly i want to do. i want to WRITE and it sucks that the most i can get is a blog.

thing about me is that i want to write stuff that matters. i want people to read what i write and i want it to leave an impression on them. i want them to be arguing about it, laughing, crying, i want my reader's imagination at my mercy. get me? i want to evoke emotions, stir up feeling, instill new thoughts etc etc. in short, i want to hit them with my best shot.

ah, my creative genious doth seek an outlet.

lemme make it very clear that this entry is purely to get me out of tblog bankruptcy. i dont like seeing a negative number on my account, whether it involves real money or otherwise. but i will include some real stuff on this entry.

just how much do you trust the media? is everything you see in the newpapers, on tv and everything you hear on the radio really what they seem to be? recently i've been getting the news behind the news, ie getting the other side of the story. i really dont think its right or fair for anybody's power to go unchallenged. so i believe that a little confrontation or rebellion is very healthy, and should be welcomed.

not all people think this way.

some people think that those in power have worked their way there and hence, deserve to be in a position whereby the hold so much influence and have an unbelievable impact on the lives of those they govern. however they fail to keep in mind whatever back doors and all the scheming that goes into eventually having power. i'm not saying all politicians are corrupt, but a majority of the major players appear to be so.

then there's the whole money issue. then there's the whole media control issue. if the media is controlled and information is not passed on to the people freely, then how can you call a country truly FREE? if what the people see, hear and know is controlled, how can you honestly justify the state of your country? how can you even think to call yourself a fair and just country when you clearly BLIND your people and make them see an image of something that you want them to see? where is the justice in that?
i know for a fact that this doesnt happen in just one country. but it just appals me.

the other night there was a roll call (OMG, roll call?? as in boot camp?) yep, roll call.. as in boot camp. we were supposed to meet with the warden (WARDEN?!) cause they had to make some announcements.

i told you this place is like a prison.

so while my friends and i were walking to wherever the venue for the meeting was, the dogs around the area started howling. probably at the full moon, since there was one the other night. let me just set the record straight: I have howled at the moon before just for the fun of it. plus i wanted to annoy some people. but i've NEVER been told off for doing so. but maybe because i'm living in a community that not only fears dogs, but despises them, i'm kinda asking for trouble.

back to the story, the dogs were howling. and i wanted to join in the revelry of being one with nature, celebrating life (yada yada..). so i threw my head back and howled.

AA-OOOoooooooOOOOOOoooooo oOOOOOooo............

a long, hear-wrenchng howl.
i gotta say, i sounded pretty good. and this wasnt the first time.
but who should i bump into?

THE HEAD WARDEN

-->cue doomsday music

apparently he thought there was a real doggy on campus. began throwing quentions at me.
did you hear a dog? is there a dog in the compound? was it near the stairs? was it you?

yes, i heard dogs. no, there isnt one in the compound. no, there wasnt one near the stairs and YES, IT WAS I.

-->cue doomsday music again

thats when i think it hit him that there was NO real dog, and he got scared by a girl.
then he asked me the killer question:
YOU WANT TO BE A DOG? :shock:

hmm...boggle my mind, why doncha potato man. yes i would love to be a dog. it sure beats being a student in your precious hellhole of a college. and i can eat anything i want as a dog. i can be as smelly as i want to....not that i like being smelly or anything, but you get my point.

wait till he finds out i threw watermelon on the wall and ceiling of the dining hall.
and jumped on the floor till it cracked.

currently i'm trying to make this blog a lot easier on the eyes and hopefully by the end of it, it will look nicer. but i'm still kinda new at this, so i dont really know what i'm doing. pardon me :)

it feels like i'm living in a sitcom of some sort. yesterday i had to go to the optician to get my glasses fixed cause i stepped on them in the shower. dont ask me why i left them on the shower floor. so they were a little off balance. i had to go to TWO optical houses to get them done properly. the first one said (when i asked how much it'd cost)..."we can fix it but if it breaks, we are not guaranteed". o-kay...so she tried to fix it, and FAILED. what to do? i went to another optical house and tried to get them fixed. thankfully, the lady there was a lot more helpful. she tried to get them balanced out, and YES they are balanced out now. UNFORTUNATELY, she had to heat up the frame to bend it and in the process of doing so, screwed up the coating on my lenses. (OH HORROR!!)

these are expensive lenses alright? tailor made for ME. and now i'm suffering from mild dizziness cause the coating has cracked. i dont know how much time i spent yesterday making noise about this.

i think i could be at risk of a heart attack or high blood pressure or something. i operate at a very high level of stress. maybe i should sign up for anger management therapy..

i just found out yesterday that my sponsors have sent 2000 students to further their studies in private institutions compared to 21000 in the previous year. this drop in numbers has been due to "DWINDLING FUNDS" because of Rm200 million in unpaid loans. they also asked the government for Rm300 million and were denied. in other words, they're broke.

OH MY GAWD!!

its a whole circus here!

this is the future of so many students at stake. what part of that dont they get? these people are a commodity to the nation and they treat them that way. most of them are selected students from around the nation. its not just that, they have universities, institutions, colleges and schools under them. they are also an entrepreneurship, meaning they support certain businesses too.the government already allocates a certain amount to them every year..

HOW CAN THEY BE BROKE??

let me list the ways...

• repayment scheme of the sponsorship is very lenient.you only start paying back after you work..what if you dont work? what then? what about working part time? that doesnt mean you're actually working, and there are some part time jobs that can make you richer than some full time jobs. its true!


• how you pay back is totally up to you. do you want to deduct a certain amount from your monthly salary? (notice:CERTAIN AMOUNT. it could mean Rm10) do you want to pay in a lump sum at the end of the year? do you...you get the picture.


• some students only have to pay back a certain percentage of the money. some dont have to pay back at all! and service for the sponsors is not compulsory for all sponsored students. why is there this double standard? other students have to either pay back the amount they were sponsored in FULL or work for these jackasses for at least 5 years.


• some students who were sponsored to further their studies overseas DONT COME BACK..what then?

all my criticisms are going to fall on deaf ears. they dont answer anyone other than parents.

sick.

things in the hellhole have reached a level of desperation and boredom. i've only been here 3 weeks and already i'm sick of the routine. this whole school is full of scholarship students. selected from around the country, on full scholarships going to be sent overseas. WOW..right? WRONG!terms and conditions apply. living conditions we can adjust to, but the fact that they're sending us overseas means they can send to any country under the sun that will accept our pre-u qualification.

i'm tryin to make money, and i know i can write well when i put my mind to it. thing is, i dont let just about anyone review my work. i need a critical commentary so i know what i can improve and what i need to cut out. what happens when someone whom i didn't even ASK his opinion for, nor di i ever intend to, criticises my work when he hasnt even seen it? ALLIE GETS MAD. its not just the fact that he (I'll refer him as DAT GIRL) criticised my work, she gave very painful, cutting comments.

most unwelcome indeed.

right now i'm on scholarship doing my a-levels in this hell hole of a college. and it really hit me that i'm wasting me time doingsomething that doesn't give me any joy or any peace. i love the subjects but the fact that i'm going to end up being a teacher working for this stupid organisation for at least 5 years makes me so depressed. i cannot stand the thought that i have to owe these freaks more of my life when they have already stolen so much from me.

the only way out is to quit after my a-levels and finish my education in a private college or something. problem? money. not only do i have to pay my current sponsor back for my a-levels, i have to come up with money to further my education. my parents seem to think that i want to be a teacher. in erality, i have NEVER ever mentioned any interest in teaching. i'm sure teachers out there find their job very fulfilling, but i dont want to teach, nor do i want to give it a shot. i hate sounding bratty but why should i waste my life with something i have utterly no interest in?

another possibility is to ask for a scholarship transfer. i dont know how willing my current sponsors are willing to take that into consideration, and i'm expecting lots of negotiations, paperwork, closed doors, dead ends, and probably more sleepless nights.

if anyone has any idea how to get myself untangled out of this mess ive gotten myself into, please PLEASE tell me.