i just realised i send messages that are incomplete, regardless of how i send these messages. thats kinda weird when i thought i sent something really nice, and when i reread what i sent, its totally off track cause i missed out one word or two.

several days in the Hellhole has made me remember why i did the things i did last sem. why i made some decisions and why i behaved the way i did. no, this post is not an apology or an excuse for anything i did or want to take back.

SURVIVAL GUIDE FOR HELLHOLE:

• GOSSIP is a way of life in this Hellhole. to survive in this place, you either have to enter the very complicated political scene Hellhole seems to thrive on OR you stay out of it completely. word spreads around fast. its so freaky how rumors spread about yourself about things you have yet to confirm with yourself.


• SUPERFICIALITY is taken as friendliness. its better to paint on a fke smile than to let how you really feel show.


• BACKSTABBING n TWO-FACING is critical for your survival. master this skill and you will truly have mastered life in KMS.


• PRIVACY is nonexistent.

so im back in KMS...which for reasons of not wanting to defame this oh-so-wonderful institution i will refer to as HellHole.Miri Girl and i actually cut the first day of school at the airport cause we dreaded coming back so much. the hatred i have for this place seems to grow and grow with such a fiery passion that it actually amazes me. if i had this kind of passion for tsunami aid, i bet there'd be no more people living in huts in the disaster areas.

so we spent the night at KLIA, which as spending nights at the airport always do, turned out to be quite fun. it may not be comfy, but it sure as hell heats where im at right now.lets get to the point. what actually sucks so bad about this place?

1st of all, you got PotatoMan who thinks he's GOD in this place. his power goes unchallenged and he is backed up by his super-duper sniffer dogs who sniff out ppl having fun in this place and then they carry out Operation Wreck Their Lives. our food is regulated, we eat on trays(how much more like a prison can this place get??we used to have plates, but i bet they thought we'd use the plates as frisbees and have fun - oh horror!)the clothes we wear, which i refer to as Prison Garb, SUCK BIG TIME. there are some characters here that make me think im living in a total freakshow. a circus of weirdos (enter circus theme). the Potato Crew asks for feedback and when we give them feedback, they refuse to listen, dont understand, and refuse to even try.

but what is the ULTIMATE sting about this place is that they think they are making all the right decisions just because they have the funds. HAH! they're tripping over their own shoelaces with every step they take. i wont be surprised if they actually go bankrupt or something...the shit hitteth the fan.what sucks even more is that they are sponsoring me, and i, in turn owe them years and years of my life. im not so keen on spending my life on an institution that cant be certain of any of their plans.

what plans?

what plans exactly. they cant seem to make up their minds. i feel like such a pawn in a celestial joke. i want out of this programe.

we ask them questions and they dont give us straight answers, or they dont answer at all. i am a commodity to the nation! how DARE you treat us like this? i dont give a damn if i sound like a brat cause ive had it up to my eyeballs. they created new rules that i think are such a joke (i cant wait to burn the dumb rulebook) having sex is an offense..hey PotatoMan!just cause you aint gettin any dont mean the rest of us gotta suffer.hahaha....

anyways, i just hope to finish my a-levels, register for NZ or wherever they end up sending me, then get out and hopefully get to do what i want in life...which is write.

other than the Hellhole, i just found out the person i've been referring to as my COUSIN is actually my BROTHER. talk about stupid. if you know me, and my family history (in case you didnt know, we're all adopted) then you cant really blame me. i think he's great. real funny. i love him a lot. it was a little weird at first to look at him as my brother, but then i realised he's a great lil bro. he makes me laugh.

i miss my dogs, i miss my freedom, i miss having my voice heard.

i know i shouldnt complain about my sponsorship cause i know that a lotta other students would kill for my seat but i just dont think its worth it.